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Notions of identity

Deleted User

What do you feel is part of your identity other than your diagnosis? I'm asking this, because I feel I've been getting a bit bogged down by my recent diagnosis and coming on here. I've said before that I don't want to be defined by my diagnosis, so thought I would write about other parts of my identity. I feel I've always had a strong sense of identity of some particular aspects of my life, and I think these will always be with me. I feel like they are (or have been) non-neogitable elements of my life.

Growing up I was into "alternative" stuff which probably doesn't seem that alternative now but in the late ninetines /early noughties it kind of was. Music was a big part of my identity and still is. Probably up until my late twenties, if someone was into music which I saw a less quality than my tastes, then that gave me good enough reason not to like them. Thankfully that has changed now. (Also, I think the idea of "alternative" is very different now because of the internet and things are more homogeonised, but I suppose individuals could still be seen as conventional or unconventional...)

Other notions of identity I can relate to are being northern and from a working class family. This is so important to me.  Having had a university education, I feel I'm somewhat "caught" in the middle of working and middle class now.  I feel I'm a bit too common for some people, but too "posh" for others. This links in with my accent which is also another big part of my identity.

Another one, and I don't know if this is to do with AS, is I feel as I'm getting older, I've got a better B.S. detector. A lot of my friends are into eating out and trying new fangled places, stuff they've read on social media and hyped up nonsense. I don't have social media apart from this forum. I dont think it's that I'm getting more cynical, I just feel a lot of it is style over substance and I'm really not interested in eating a croissant crossed with a donut and drinking an expensive coffee from a cafe made out of plywood. I feel like the world is getting overly fancy just for the sake of it. Everything has to become a "thing" these days.

I'm sure there's other stuff I will think of once I've posted.

So what about you? What do you strongly identify with which is something you aren't willing to budge on?

I've edited the post to make it shorter

  • I have always felt there was something wrong with me. Also I felt that I saw the world in 3D where others saw the world in 2D. As for an identity, I suppose because ive always felt there was something wrong with me, it made it very difficult to accept myself and have a true identity. Does that make sense?

  • I've had a massive identity crash in the last couple of years.

    Like yourself, I also used to be into "alternative" stuff when I was younger - I used to be a goth and I was really into goth/metal/industrial music. I wanted to belong somewhere as I wasn't normal, but my experiences with the alternative scene have been quite bad. They didn't accept or understand me, they move in massive social groups with like 30-40 people and they all just seem to show off in front of each other, and a lot of them are boring people, just with different clothes. Also, all of their socialising seems to revolve around getting blasted on alcohol and drugs. when I decided to become clean and sober, 95% of my "friends" disappeared.

    And also like yourself, I don't use social media. To me, Facebook is just bollocks where people compete about how many "friends" they have and boost each other's false egos. Everyone and their dog has a false persona online, which is nothing like they are in real life, and I find this annoying. I am also extremely cynical, I have very few friends.

  • in reply to Desmond79

    I'm sure someone famous once wrote "There is more scandal in an English village than any of the great cities".  It certainly seemed like it in the village I grew up in. Oh for the anonymity of the city....

    Ben

  • in reply to Desmond79

    Yeah, I think the idea of "home" is very important. It is for me anyway. I think home gives us certainty in a world which is very uncertain. Is it a bit Eastenders where you live?  I've never lived anywhere where people are in each others' business. My friend who came from a small village had that experience. I think that's one of the reasons she moved away. Do you feel nowadays you have to keep yourself to yourself to stop others gossiping?

  • in reply to Plastic

    I think that's a good way to be, Plastic. So you just see yourself as "you" without being in any sort of box.  Identifyng as something other to everyone else.

  • I come from a close-knit rural community, and it will always be home to me.

    However, I was more eccentric - as an adult - and had my own ways. I am more private, however, and don't want my name dragged in the mud. (there is a lot of scandal around here - like the self-destruction of Ancient Rome)

  • in reply to Deleted User

    I don't know - I suspect it's because I had a twin brother so I was never alone - I always had a mirror-me around to measure and compare with.     

    I realised from a very early age (2-ish)  that I was different to 'them' but had no notion of there being anything 'wrong' with me - it's more that I couldn't make sense of the crazy way NTs do everything - even my brother - so i absolutely didn't identify as one of them.   

    But I never considered myself as anything other than me.    I had no-one to compare with that was remotely like me - aspie wasn't a thing back then - I was a very self-aware but very individual person even in infant school - I stood out.

  • in reply to Plastic

    So, what makes you "you"? You do well to blank people out. For me, although I try to give people due where I can, the masses just get on my nerves.

  • I identify very strongly as "me".       I don't see myself as anything other than "earthling".          I see everyone else as lots and lots of generic, hollow individuals - but occasionally, there's a diamond in the rough - my friends.          I blank-out all the generic people so they are just faceless masses around me.