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I'm so stuck

NAS72106

My husband is a medical practitioner and at the age of 54 we have now discovered he is autistic. we have two girls 22 and 18 which live with us. His relationship with them is dismal and most recently because quite aggressive with our older daughter leaving her feeling unsafe home alone with him. She spent a week at my mums and is now home but i have no idea what to do. I have asked him to get some help but he refuses saying that at 54 that's just how he is and we have to learn to deal with him as he is. Is that really true? Both the kids and I are struggling. He refuses to tell the kids about his diagnosis saying it will compromise his image. not sure it could get any more compromised! Help! we are all getting professional help except him! 

Parents

  • dont involve the police ---- just yet, as they cant do anything I dont think.  I think you should tell him that u are going to tell the children he is autistic for everyones sake.    His  image is non existent ( otherwise  known as 'Pants' ) in your house. 

    he is in  a rut I would say

    not sure why --- but it is a common thing to happen when u get a diagnosis  ( anxiety that you have changed dialled up into a tight knot ) 

    bottom line here is his image is temporary/doesnt exist  and if he is made redundant/loses his job where has his image gone ? 

    his image is only in his head, his colleagues may have a very different "image " of him and  not the one he thinks he has.

    Your bullied daughter, maybe should move out,  this would allow for a place for your other younger daughter to go  if she needs too. And you as well ! 

    It all depends on who owns the house

    how much money you have to rehouse the older daughter  ( and is she working ?)

    are you willing to leave him ?

    we all have a plastic mind and we can all change --- autistic people are also capable of change but it may be slower. 

    i do agree he needs help - to change his thinking from resistance to acceptance of his new place.

    Please ask him to come on here to talk to similar people like him. He should not be ashamed of being autistic rather he should be proud of his achievements  and by coming out he can help others just like him.

  • in reply to aidie

    It’s going to take the police to get involved for him be referred to specific services and to be bumped up the waiting lists

    The Services that the police can refer him to requires him to be processed to get the funding for the specific service/programme it also be mandatory. Doctors do not have the capability of referring her husband too these services and anything a doctor will offer will be optional and they may have to alert the police and local authority of a possible safeguarding issue anyway which will mess with employment.

    the likely hood is that he will get processed without it affecting his employment or record. 

  • in reply to Blue

    police must be different where u live. I know here it would be " we cant intervene, he hasnt done  anything (wrong), yet,  for us to intervene ". 

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