I'm so stuck

Autism can help explain a behavior but it does not excuse intentionally abusive behaviour that your husband has intentionally done towards your oldest daughter. No, it not a case of that is how he is. He is choosing to be this way. 

If you or your daughters are in real danger then call the police, lock him out of the family home. I am autistic and my step dad is physically, mentally and emotionally abusive to not only my mother but to me a 24 year old autistic male. The abuse will starts to get worse & worse and the more you don't act the more harm they inflict and the more they think they can get away with it. 

My step dad has know getting help because the police were involved, he is being treated for depression but he still abusive and aggressive and he doesnt think he change. the abuse has just gotten more covert.

Sorry but your children are adults and they need the information about their father having autism. It's not all about your husband and this knowledge may effect your children's future with planning a family and your husbands future care. 

Your description of your husband behaviour is similar to someone with a narcissistic personality disorder of superiority which can affect anyone whether or not they are on the neuro divergent spectrum. You need to decide if he refuses to get help between him or your daughters safety you may need to leave and find a women's refuge.      

A lot of medical professionals develop a bit of a god-complex - and it's surprising how many of the top consultants are aspie - brilliant - but blunt - terrible people skills.

People need to think before involving the police - it can destroy his job so no income, lose the house, wreck everyone's life - all for the sake of needing to open proper communication channels.   

Secrets within families will always accidentally or maliciously be outed - the best thing is to take control and do things in a sensible way.

When the OP mentions aggression, it's not clear if it's physical or language.

The "just have to deal with him as he is" is a cop out - but, like a lot of aspie males find, their lives become too complex and it starts to cave in on itself - the stress of masking all day is becoming too much so you may be on the receiving end of him venting his fear of being 'found out' - and maybe fired from his job.

It might also be possible that he's so stressed that he's crumbling inside - and he has no real mechanism to de-stress himself so all you see is the aggression of what he'd really like to say in the work environment - but obviously can't..

Yes your right, but should a man in his 50s who is a medical practitioner be allowed to treat vulnerable patients if he can’t control his attitude or control his behaviour towards his own daughter. If his older daughter have had to leave the premises because of his behaviour than it’s quite clear his behaviour is of threatening or abusive nature.

I understand that having autism can make us extremely hard to get on with, but this women’s husband has managed his behaviour prior to his diagnosis and is clearly using it as excuse to inflict harm on other because he is fed up. 

You're looking at this from a narrow angle - it's the stress of super-masking to *not* do the wrong things in the work environment that cause the home outbursts - and that's also usually because of going home walking in the front door  pre-loaded at 100% stress  - and needing to sit quietly for 1/2 hour to wind down - but inevitably,. the rest of the family start making demands of him so he will pop - and they get the full force of the day's unprocessed stress in one go.

Naturally, they are offended -what they asked was a minor thing but they were oblivious to the extreme stress he was already carrying.

I'm not excusing his behaviour - but this is classic NTs expecting an ASD person to 'just be normal' and don't accommodate his needs because he's managed to mask so well for so long.    

This is the classic path to ASD burnout - high-achieving and so overloaded from every angle having to play nice with NTs.and the NTs cutting him no slack until his brain pops.

But of course, he's the bad guy..

You're looking at this from a narrow angle - it's the stress of super-masking to *not* do the wrong things in the work environment that cause the home outbursts - and that's also usually because of going home walking in the front door  pre-loaded at 100% stress  - and needing to sit quietly for 1/2 hour to wind down - but inevitably,. the rest of the family start making demands of him so he will pop - and they get the full force of the day's unprocessed stress in one go.

Naturally, they are offended -what they asked was a minor thing but they were oblivious to the extreme stress he was already carrying.

I'm not excusing his behaviour - but this is classic NTs expecting an ASD person to 'just be normal' and don't accommodate his needs because he's managed to mask so well for so long.    

This is the classic path to ASD burnout - high-achieving and so overloaded from every angle having to play nice with NTs.and the NTs cutting him no slack until his brain pops.

But of course, he's the bad guy..