Masking: What is it?

I also find that they are incredibly slow thinkers and they meander when they talk. 

I think work is one of the places where social structure is the most overt. 

If you arent just a drone (in sector 7G) then you can be subject to stupid and unnecessary competition.  It can be a place where you both have to 'fit' and to want to get the better of your colleagues.

So, to hell with just doing the right thing logically!  The game seems to be as much about people as ability.  

I'm glad we get to choose our friends to help us navagate society and look out for each other.

That's one of my biggest gripes - all NTs are liars - they can't help it - they do it all the time about everything.    

And what's worse is none of them ever want to hear the truth from anyone.    they live in a fantasy world built of lies..

As far as I understand, it's when you use normal behaviours to 'mask' or hide your ASD from others. 

I've not lost jobs I've just left but everything else you have said I have experienced too. 

I've lost every job I've ever had through bullying or because eventually I could contain myself no longer and was compelled to tell the truth and call out wrongdoings.

The impulse to tell someone to cut it out when they are lying to me is instinctive. Not always from a moral standpoint, but just because deceptive speech and actions are so exhausting. Can you imagine how this went down in meetings?

Until very recently, I have been mostly unable to stop myself from saying whatever is on my mind. I do now have strategies to help me bite my lip. It doesn't prevent it from coming out eventually, but it does give me more time to weigh up whether now is the right time for it to be said or not. Again, this was never popular in the workplace where you are expected to follow orders and obey without question, no matter how dumb the orders were or how dumb those giving the orders were.

One thing I have learned, however, is that Truth is never a welcome visitor in any company. Regardless of what their policies say, and no matter how much they bang on about equality and diversity, from my experience, there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that all organisations operate a system of bullying, discrimination either overtly or covertly. And all 'neurotypicals' use some form of deception or lying in social interactions.

I recognise all of that. The workplace was always difficult, every day was a challenge, and it usually took the entire weekend to recover......... then I had to do it all again. Am now retired, hurrah!

Ben

In my case it was mostly "surviving" the day. When at work I would suppress my anxieties by keeping my emotions locked inside, pretending that I was "fine". I would pay for it later though when I got home by feeling fatigue, numbness and sometimes panic attacks.

Mine is not the clown - that's hard work - mine is cool professional - I don't need to say a lot - just do my own thing and the people will come to me.   So much easier.   I just do the things they wish they had the confidence to do.

I worked in an open-plan office full of scruffbags - I was always smart - all the visitors addressed me because they thought I was in charge.    It's not what you do but how you do it. 

That sounds very much like how I used to behave, Plastic. And still do to some extent if I have to meet anyone new, or if I'm anxious in any way. I created this loud, over-the-top, over-confident clown-like character. If I could entertain people, make them laugh, then they would not look any closer. But, it was exhausting and impossible to maintain, and it quickly became burden. I burned out and then had to hide away because I was not able to maintain the persona. I am better now at allowing my authentic self to show up more often than not, but it is still a defensive move that kicks in when I'm anxious or when I'm in a a new situation.

That's exactly why I created a huge extrovert personality - it forces the room to adapt to me so it takes away a layer of social processing.    In a new environment, I will tend to slightly overdress - with the excuse that I've just had to meet some people - so shirt & tie - it is my armour - it puts me at ease and lets my brain function properly.

I do rehearse my interactions, and I do mimic others (which have become conscious acts as an adult), but the impulse to adapt to the environment are unconscious  - an innate survival impulse to avoid bullying and other forms of unwanted negative attention.  

When you're forced to be around toxic people and bullies and where any autistic mannerisms are totally unacceptable, you have no choice but to mask - just for self-protection.

Its where someone pretends to be neurotypical and not autistic. Not sure how thats possible. I've never been able to pretend myself. Seems like deceit to me and I thought we weren't capable or at least prone to using deceit. With myself what you see is what you get and if you don't like it you can .... you know :) I don't give a shoot what anyone thinks about me I only worry if I have to continuously see people that I don't want to be around. What they actually think about me, it doesn't matter what you think about me, .... if you smell what the rock is cookin' :) 

I can zone out in conversations, easily distracted.

I've been told I go into a trance, always wondered why I do that, makes more sense now.

These used to really scare me - I'm treating these as warning signs now that I need to adjust what I'm doing so I don't get overloaded - even if that means making a lifestyle change or work adjustment. I can remember many a time where I've felt so exhausted I've barely been able to function or hold a conversation.

I think you're describing a 'shutdown', or maybe a partial shutdown.

When this happens to me I just appear to be lost in a daydream, or asleep with my eyes open. I've heard people saying "are you there?" "where are you Ben, speak to me", but they either get a grunted monosyllabic reply, or silence.

I've never actually discussed it with anyone but have read that the cause is sensory overload, and I'm sure that's correct.  It's a safe place to be, but it does puzzle and perplex others. 

Ben

I don't know if others have experienced this but after masking for a bit I can start to zone out more into my own mind and thought process and not be as aware of everything around me maybe even come across a bit ignorant or slow to respond to other people maybe even doing the odd job and later on reflection not even remember doing the odd job. Infact I often feel myself slow down mind and actions can be a common experience for me as well as feeling shattered.

Desmond79 said:

Normies

I liked that one. Made me laugh.