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whats going on in his mind

catlover

I have 7 year old grandson with aspergers he can be very violent to his mum my daughter kicking punching swearing When things are calm again she talks about what the problem was.She one time asked Are you happy? His reply I dont know Then asked are you sad? His reply I dont know Whats the difference? This makes me feel very SAD.When he is ok and not getting angry he seems happy and content.BUT when he is upset it breaks my heart to think of whats going on in his mind

  • Scorpion0x17 said:

    Not wrong, no.

    I just don't think it's as easy as that.

    To expand the idea definately would not be easy. Any ideas?

  • Jon said:

    [quote][/quote]

    [quote][/quote]

    'happy' and 'sad' are a little vague. It is all relative. Mybe you could first help him identify what he 'likes' and 'doesn't like'. Then help him associate them with 'happy' and 'sad'.

    Hmm...

    I 'like' bacon.

    But bacon doesn't make me 'happy'.

    I like bacon too (sometimes) and it does not 'make' me happy. I don't like listening to the Spice Girls but if I do it doesn't 'make' me sad. Generally though I am 'happier' with things I 'like'. There is a link. I don't always find it easy to identify and express my feelings. I wonder why I associate what I like with 'happy' and what I don't like with 'sad'? I am possibly seeing it as quite black and white, good and bad. Do you think I am wrong to think like this?

    Not wrong, no.

    I just don't think it's as easy as that.

  • Scorpion0x17 said:

    [quote][/quote]

    'happy' and 'sad' are a little vague. It is all relative. Mybe you could first help him identify what he 'likes' and 'doesn't like'. Then help him associate them with 'happy' and 'sad'.

    Hmm...

    I 'like' bacon.

    But bacon doesn't make me 'happy'.

    I like bacon too (sometimes) and it does not 'make' me happy. I don't like listening to the Spice Girls but if I do it doesn't 'make' me sad. Generally though I am 'happier' with things I 'like'. There is a link. I don't always find it easy to identify and express my feelings. I wonder why I associate what I like with 'happy' and what I don't like with 'sad'? I am possibly seeing it as quite black and white, good and bad. Do you think I am wrong to think like this?

  • Jon said:

    'happy' and 'sad' are a little vague. It is all relative. Mybe you could first help him identify what he 'likes' and 'doesn't like'. Then help him associate them with 'happy' and 'sad'.

    Hmm...

    I 'like' bacon.

    But bacon doesn't make me 'happy'.

  • This is a tough subject but i'm glad to hear you are reaching out :)

    Often people with ASD get frustrated and annoyed because of feelings and emotions building up without them really understanding them. We have trouble parsing what makes us feel a certain way, and even figuring out how we feel. Sometimes people lash out or throw tantrums.

    A way of dealing with these things is to go through the motions of what happened before the event. Perhaps something earlier in the day upset them, perhaps certain sensory problems like bright lights, loud places or bad smells made them upset. Unfortunately learning to deal with things one by one takes a little longer to do with us.

    Reading a few books on the subject might help you better understand, and feel free to ask back if you want any more help :)

  • 'happy' and 'sad' are a little vague. It is all relative. Mybe you could first help him identify what he 'likes' and 'doesn't like'. Then help him associate them with 'happy' and 'sad'.

    I work quite differently emotionally than my partner. Neither way is particularly right or wrong. We both experience challenges and problems differently. She gets alot out of a hug for example, I prefer the same energy to be spent on practical change. Reassuringly ther is common ground though. Its just about understanding

    I really find pretty open questions such as 'how are you?' difficult. It is impossible to tell if they are just 'passing the time of day' or actually want to know some information.

    By the way is your daughter recieving support in any way? There are plenty of books out there that may prove useful.

  • catlover said:

    Do you have a good life?

    Oh boy.

    That's a loaded question if ever I saw one!

    In some ways, yes.

    In some ways, no.

    Life is hard for me, and things could be a lot better, but they could also be a lot worse.

  • Thankyou for your reply I dont know why but it made me cry.Do you have a good life?

  • We, on the Spectrum, often can't answer questions like "are you happy?"

    I'm the same.

    I sort of know what happy 'is'.

    And I know I have been happy.

    But most of the time, if you ask me "are you happy?" I'll answer "I don't know".

    In fact, ask me "how do you feel?" and my answer will be "I don't know".

    I seem to recall saying things like "what's the difference?" or "how do I tell?" when I was young too.

  • Hello crysal12--Tyler gets upset for allsorts of reasons he has a twin sister who is full of life and very loud sometimes she will say something that will upset him.He will not let anyone get near his cars that he has lined up neatly in a row.Another time it will be something someone said or did a couple of weeks back. Or a simple case of its bedtime and he does not want to go to bed.He shares a room with his twin sister and 10year old brother(no other choice)then sits up shouting and swearing. then everyone is upset.

  • hi Catlover - yes, it can definitely be heartbreaking.    Do you know why your grandson gets upset?  If you can find out then maybe you can avoid it happening.