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Late diagnosis and relationship woes

Jarvis
over 3 years ago

Hi, I'm 41 and was diagnosed with ASD just before Christmas. My partner has been saying she had thought I was for some time but I had put our issues down to her depression... she is the only person who knows of my diagnosis so I am of course becoming a massive burden. 

Anyone else had a late diagnosis? How have you coped with it? 

  • over 3 years ago in reply to Rashford

    I think it may be to do with me struggling to read between the lines - I'm ok doesn't actually mean that and I should know this and respond with empathy (something she thinks I lack).

    You're right though, wouldn't it be great if autism was seen as a positive? Initially she was really positive about my diagnosis, but now not so much. And I'm still trying get my head around it.

    I'm reading books (The Journal of Best Practices is pretty good and relatable) and doing the "work". I'm doing it for my relationship  - which she says is pressure... I hate feeling so confused! 

    I think I know what I need to do - be supportive and not problem solve - it's definitely a learning process.

    Communication is key, I guess. Exhausting though, isn't it? 

  • over 3 years ago

    We are actually in the same boat. My girlfriend also has depression. There is a lot of it going around at the moment. Maybe if people didn't see autism as a negative thing then we wouldnt have such a problem. 

    Do you think it may be to do with things being in a routine?

    There are also some good videos on YouTube giving advice for people in relationships on the spectrum. 

  • over 3 years ago in reply to Jarvis

    doing it daily even just 10 minutes to begin with is key

  • over 3 years ago in reply to aidie

    Hey! Meditation is great. I'm working on making it a daily habit. Glad it works for you. I think the lack of self awareness and being made aware of that lack of self awareness has been the hard thing. I'm also conscious that all the focus is on my ASD. I manage to bring it back to that even when we're talking about her feelings of loneliness and depression. Gah!? 

  • over 3 years ago

    blimey there are loads of people like that in here. First year was bit unstable but now things are getting much better but I have been tackling it ( autistic thinking, anxiety/depression)  using meditation so I wont be the same as you.