# Daily Updates #

today was not the day to work outside. i got soaked twice  There is something really  beautiful about constant heavy rain .... and I didnt break any nails !

I cried at work today.

It was our team weekly catch up. I was talking for 1-2 minutes to a new joiner (second week) and noticed I'd given her no eye contact. I tried to explain and unravelled in the process.

My eye contact is something i've pondering about. I thought it was normal but I can't tell. I think I learnt you were supposed to do it, when I thought I'd learnt naturally. My close mate with suspected AS has talked to me how he got told about his eye contact and now he can be quite intense with it. People often say my eye contact is too intense. And then I'd like to talk to him about his AS but he feels shut off to it. I feel like I could still cry a bit. Think I'm probably a bit overwrought from the last week.

Drove to straw to get a bite to eat; plus cash back. They only had £10 available, so I withdrew an additionsl £30 at Draperstown Post Office. I went back to my support bubble's home via Desertmartin and Moneymore. I thought I was avoiding the worst roads; only to have the fear of God put into me by the high winds and driving rain. However, I did see a fallen tree on my route back, then reported it to the Road Service. (I have an ID to track future progress)

My friend's in his room, listening to Lana Del Rey.

off work today but the weather is so bad i might actually cancel this afternoon and go back to work !

Oh yeah, talking about bisexuality is way harder than being gay!

Haha I'm a bisexual woman married to a man and also rarely mention sexuality with people. It just isn't worth the interrogation about my sexual preferences!!! 

Yeah, I'm cautiously open about it. I've told most friends but don't bring it back up with many. I feel good about it. A feeling of imposter syndrome can be there as I clearly cope well with most things, people just don't generally see the exhaustion (some do), and people don't see my struggles or don't associate them with autism. Family's the hardest even though my lot knew and had me diagnosed at 3 but just didn't talk about it. It's easier than coming out as gay at least, although maybe that just gave me practice!

I am battling with feeling stigmatised about autism, being so new to awaiting diagnosis, but I want to start as I mean to go on and if I can't feel open to be myself with other autistic people then I'm never going to get anywhere. 

Still a bit wary of mentioning it openly to some family though so I think I have quite a way to go! 

Inspired by M and @kikicat I've put my photo up on my profile in place of my cow, though I do like the cow. And popped my name in too as others have done like @ethan and @ben. I'm not sure why I didn't in the first place, guess I was influenced by what I could see others doing and the guidance for an 'avatar'. Course it will make being open and vulnerable a bit harder in case people in my real life stumble across me, but I'm very committed to being open and vulnerable (even if I do mask;>).

It was nice starting to plan post lockdown life last night. And it was good knowing what's happening, when. I was hoping to get out of doors and camp sooner than we can, which means fitting everything into the summer will be hard, esp my outdoor instruction course, but good tohave some degree of certainty.

It's going to be hard maintaining my sense of tranquility with all possibilities of things to do, but I'm going to try.

My house is being viewed tomorrow.

Good luck with yours. And enjoy the Fur-Baby.

Head clearer ,puppy sitting again  should be old enough to leave all night soon ,getting house ready for viewing tomorrow .

Did some uni work, had a meeting 

I'm from the Sticks! I had no choice but to learn to drive; then cope with the other Yahoos on the roads.

Took me 5 attempts to pass my test and after 2 years of driving just gave it up. Never felt happy in the car, constantly anxious and don't miss it a bit. 

I had a blissful afternoon, the sun was glorious! I just pottered and idled and was very content, and now daydreaming through some post lockdown plans.

I've no idea how anyone manages to drive, i find the passenger seat overwhelming enough!

Good care for the Chainsaw.

Day off. Feel slightly guilty because I've spent most of my long weekend resting and not doing much else. My head is much clearer though - so this is an indication of overload from last week.

Going to do week 5 of my free course, read more of Temple Grandin's book on unwritten social rules and finish season 5 of the Expanse (two episodes to go).

House clean pencilled in for the weekend. It really needs it.

another days work completed. Chess rating just crashed when I upped the rating of computer opponent . Put new chain on my ancient chainsaw and she is so much better

Put your feet up.

I had the same issue, taking my mate to and from Lidl in Antrim; for a spin. He takes so long getting ready, it reminds me of how my Nan did my head in with her time-taking.

Driving was even more challenging as I felt uncomfortable with the head-wind at Toome bypass, so I took him the back route to Toome. Then a truck was passing a woman walking at the head of the Dual-Carriageway between Moneymore and Cookstown and we were nearly gonners.

Grateful to be above ground.