Hate living on my own sometimes

Hope, I have the same problem, planning to get a welfare phone every so often from someone I trust(autism specialist worker) and as my so called family are do not understand my condition nor care. So at least when my crisis emerge,, I have told someone safe, that will reduce my anxiety. If I told my outside family members then just are unsensitive and splash in my puddle so to say, not calm the waters.

I think, for me, it is because I can't deal with crises on my own. I simply freeze or go into a full blown panic and react like a child. So I worry about emergencies and not knowing what to do if one arose.

It feels safer and reassuring because having someone around that you trust acts as a buffer to the world.

Personally for me, growing up,, I never had a secure family environment or world buffer assistance to the external world. So spend most of my early years, hidding and running away from the environments which are on paper suppose to protect you. Although I did feel safter at college and uni later because I had control of the direction and all the abnormals(95% of the population) could not get pass the door.. THANKFULLY

I assume its a fairly primitive instinct, dating back to well before we were human.

monkeys live in groups for security from lions, eagles etc,

in a bigger group you can have lookouts and you are safer from groups of other monkeys in territorial disputes.

So I guess the brain evolved to release "safety and reassurance" neurotransmitters when other monkeys are around.

obviously it also helps to avoid children wandering off on their own.

quote "I can relate to that Hope. I like alot of time to myself but feel a whole lot safer when my partner is in the house (preferably keeping herself to herself and leaving me alone in my studio)."

that is three people on this post said the exact same thing,, safer, reassured,, why do we have this for cognitive security reasons ?

Hope said:

When with my parents, I retreat to my bedroom most of the time, but their presence is reassuring.

I can relate to that Hope. I like alot of time to myself but feel a whole lot safer when my partner is in the house (preferably keeping herself to herself and leaving me alone in my studio).

This time of year I find it much harder because its not fun to go out walking,

The cold and dark means its depressing and you dont want to go out because its cold.

Only a month to go and the sun will come out,

everything starts growing and the birds start singing.

Hi Hope, thanks for sharing.

I am caught up in the same catch 22(too be alone or not too be alone),, but I think this is to do with our reassurance levels that someone is out there for you(even in the background), but at the same time not being directly controlling in your world crowding your space, personally for me,,my external family never been there for me and never will be, which does not helped my Autism went I am looking for kindness, love, reassurance or just are you okay. I visit them just because I am lonely, not because I really wish too visit them, they are in there own worlds anyway and do not understand my coping problems, so as with you, I just retreat to my own area in there home within distance but no directly engaged,this  does not help me long-term.

My strategy for the future is too get a daily or when needed welfare phone call/check from a support worker I can trust or a befriender to bridge the gap and also try a find a way of me being more comfortable in my own home. ie music or light background grounding noise of life.

So in a way we are both dealing with the same issu,, we are not alone so too say.

Sorry to hear you are feeling loney. Christmas is hard isn't it - its all or nothing it seems. But therer are ways to feel less loney - you can put some music on , or a film, or maybe a chatty channel on the radio.

I've not got autism , but I do remember a very lonely spell when I lived on my own I liked reassuring everyday noises like the washing machine and sometimes went to bed with the radio on quiet.

I wonder have you tried Skype? It would let you chat to your parents or brother. We skype my NT son when he is at uni - he just carries on with whatever he was doing ont he computer while talking to us  - but  it's nice to be able to see him. It might work for you.

I think tomorrow might be better for you as the world gets back to normal - a bit. You can go out for a walk or to the library or to the shopd and not be in at home all day. Try and plan somwthing tomorrow - however small.

And remember you aren't really alone - there are people like me ready to chat to you.