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Husband verses son

Rusky

Hi,everyone, I don't know what to do anymore. I have 13 year old son with ASD, very high functioning, in the main stream school etc, but very aggressive, disrespectful, very challenging behavior. He is constanly trying to break the rules. My husband takes this challenge to his authoruty very badly, we have been to the course, learned about ASD etc, but he is very oldfashined , he feels that my son tries to dominate the place (which is true) but he deals with it in a very aggressive manner, like you would deal with someone who is bad mouthing you on the street. He has not hurt him physically, but I'm afraid it will happen at some point and my son is not just going to take it, he will retaliate and then what I'm going to do? I intefer all the time when they have their aggressive stand offs, I know it's wrong but I can not stand and watch this.

I'm afraid that my marriage will be over soon if our conflict over our son carries on, but I love my husband and I love our sons ( we have two13 and 9), boys need their father and he can be so good with them, it's just this challenge to his authoruty he can not deal with fairly and it's breaking us apart.

Can anyone suggest anything or maybe you have similar situation at home?

Thank you 

Parents

  • It's a difficult enough time as your son hits puberty and enters the teen years without having to cope with ASD.  I really sympathise with you on this as it is a very tough situation.

    Firstly, if a situation does suddenly detiorarate into physical attacks by either your son or your husband, I'd say you need to know who to contact asap and that you do not attempt to get in between them to break it up.  You will need to protect your younger son too.

    Maybe this is something to discuss with your husband when you are alone and perhaps before Christmas arrives - that if any flare-up ends up with such a levely of violence then the consequences may be far more unplatable than he realises right now.  Perhaps help him (husband) to feel he's managing things much better by developing a pro-active strategy.

    What other help are you getting with your son?  Does the school or your GP have access to an appropriately trained person to help him with his social learning?  Is there a favourite family member or close friend nearby who could help out by offering to take your son out for a day so he feels he's getting some attention from someone he can't push around, and your husband, you and your younger son can have some breathing space.

    I think one of the hardest things is that ASD people can and do push the boundaries beyond what beggars belief and when they are in the zone, all rules go out the window.

    It's not the best time now to seek other help, but I would say at least still try to discuss this asap with your GP, so she/he knows that your son is becoming more difficult and it's proving very difficult to bring some kind of balance within the home.

    Put as many plans in place as you can for now, and then keep asking for help in the New Year.

Reply

  • It's a difficult enough time as your son hits puberty and enters the teen years without having to cope with ASD.  I really sympathise with you on this as it is a very tough situation.

    Firstly, if a situation does suddenly detiorarate into physical attacks by either your son or your husband, I'd say you need to know who to contact asap and that you do not attempt to get in between them to break it up.  You will need to protect your younger son too.

    Maybe this is something to discuss with your husband when you are alone and perhaps before Christmas arrives - that if any flare-up ends up with such a levely of violence then the consequences may be far more unplatable than he realises right now.  Perhaps help him (husband) to feel he's managing things much better by developing a pro-active strategy.

    What other help are you getting with your son?  Does the school or your GP have access to an appropriately trained person to help him with his social learning?  Is there a favourite family member or close friend nearby who could help out by offering to take your son out for a day so he feels he's getting some attention from someone he can't push around, and your husband, you and your younger son can have some breathing space.

    I think one of the hardest things is that ASD people can and do push the boundaries beyond what beggars belief and when they are in the zone, all rules go out the window.

    It's not the best time now to seek other help, but I would say at least still try to discuss this asap with your GP, so she/he knows that your son is becoming more difficult and it's proving very difficult to bring some kind of balance within the home.

    Put as many plans in place as you can for now, and then keep asking for help in the New Year.

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