I really, REALLY need to vent

Ok, so I'm gunna try my hardest to be as pleasant as I can but I'm not making any promises....

I am currently in a NT/AS relationship and it is HARD.. we've been together for 2 and a half years now, it wasn't perfect but it was stable. However with Covid, lately it's kinda gone *** up.. 

Lockdown with him was not what I expected, I work a few nights a week as an "essential worker" so was understandably stressed for the good few months we all had to "stay safe". He, on the other hand works normal hours so still got to see daylight a good portion of the day. Staying home all day, going to work in the dark and then coming home to sleep for some of daylight hours is not good for your mental health and you get stir crazy... 

He isn't as bad as he could be, I'll be honest. But when he is; I need my A game... And sometimes I'll admit it takes A LOT of my energy to deal with his "moments". So I would use what energy I had left to sort him out, calm him down whatever.. 

Last few months I've been running out of energy, he's been using so much I've kinda been neglecting myself... Been finding it really hard to even summon enough to shower some days (I'm sorry, I know.. gross) and it's been really quite dark which has lead to him being abrupt about it which then leads to ... Lots of sad days crying because he doesn't understand that I'm so rundown

But lately I've been feeling a lot better, due to being allowed to go out more during the day, started taking better care of myself. So, please god. Someone tell me why he keeps bringing up my "personal hygiene" habits in arguments lately when half the time it's not a valid point... So frustrating  

Felt so alone lately and wanna stop feeling like I'm going crazy, truth is I love him and I wanna try make it work but it's so damn hard sometimes....