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Residential ... decisions!!

mum.com

I would love to hear from anyone who has had to make the very painful decision to send their beloved child into a residential setting to live and maybe come home at weekends. My boy is 13 and severely autistic. He was diagnosed when 2 and a half and has no langauge apart from repeating things.  

He has become extremely difficult to manage at home.  We have four other children and none of us want him to go but at the same time know that we cannot carry on like this as a family.  We have tried everything to help our son. Home schooling, one to one for 40 hours a week. He accesses great things at his school but when at home wont leave his bedroom. We use photos for his schedules all day every day and he is on a anti pyscotic drug to keep him calm but we are now at a point where nothing seems to help.

Love to hear from anyone out there 

  • I have a friend whose son went to a residential school and came home at weekends. He's higher functioning.

    Have you visited any of the residential schools and talked to them about this?

  • hi - this is a difficult decision because you have to decide what's best for your son but also for your family.  That's when it becomes complicated, emotional, etc.  How wd your son feel about going to a residential school?   My son went to 1 for 10 yrs.  We believed that a 24/7 situation wd be more helpful to him than a 9 - 3pm situation.   He came home every fortnight + holidays.  Parents had the choice of when their child came home, except for xmas, when the school closed.  We think the school helped him in maany ways.  It is vitally important that your are comfortable in your mind about the school your child may be going to.  So check, check + check again all sources of info on it, inc the statutory inspection bodies.   Visit - a few times,  meet staff, the governors, other parents etc.  Ask your questions.   No school is perfect.   When my son went he initially went as a day pupil to settle in + then started as a fortnightly boarder.  You worry at 1st about how things are going.  You lie in bed wondering + feeling anxious about how he is + if you actually have made the right decision.  I wd ring in the early days.  A good school will understand this.  There were (literally) a few ups + downs over the yrs, but nothing that lasted v long at all.  He was happy to come home but happy to return to school.  If he'd been unhappy about returning then that wd have been a great concern which wd have needed serious investigation.  He had a home to school book which he came back with so we cd read notes from staff + we wrote about how he'd been whilst with us.  On a bit of a downer - can I say that we had a massive battle to get him there.  That was in the early 90s.  It took 2 yrs. The LEA tried everything to stop us but eventually we succeeded.  As budgets are squeezed + squeezed again by central government, councils + schools will be looking to spend less so you may have a battle.  So, can I ask, is there anything about your present situation that his school or social services cd be of more help with which may change your mind about pursuing a "residential" setting?  Sometimes parents look at residential because their child + themselves are not getting adequate support from services in their locality.  If you are set on residential then it is still worth asking his school + social services if they can provide extra help in the meantime, if you haven't already.  bw

  • Hi mum.com,

    That sounds like an incredibly difficult decision for you to be making.  You must have done so well for you to get this far and raise four other children.

    I don't have any advice to offer I'm afraid, as I've never had this experience.  Though it reminds me of the decisions my parents and parents in law were making with grandparents going into care homes.

    I boils down to what is best for them - are you able to offer the care they need at home, are their demands seriously impinging on your other priorities (like your children)?  All I can say is to be as rational about it as possible.

    Is this something that you can communicate with your son about?