Heartbreak

Hi there Alex

I remember being your age and briefly seeing a girl for a few dates and then by pushing the relationship too much I got dumped. However I could not let go for a long, long time and because we stayed friends, it was so much more difficult finally to let go. I would spend all day thinking about her, misinterpret every sign she made, put her on an impossible pedestal but eventually I just met other people and the pain, which was really almost 100% self-inflicted, slowly faded away.

If your ex-girlfriend left you for another guy, it probably just means you didn't fit well together and it's better to see it like that than to blame yourself in any way. As you have AS, I would guess the feeling of rejection is going to be more intense. Sometimes I wonder if guys feel the heartbreak more than the girls because we find it hard to share emotions and open up and girls help us to do that. So when they're no longer there, you're all opened up but there's no-one left to share the feelings with.

It's too easy to say...don't obsess about her because that's advice I'm giving but which I didn't take at the time, however if I could shake my younger self by the shoulders, I would drum it into his head to move on and find someone more suitable. Sometimes it's even better to have a girl who's a friend than a girlfriend. Do you have anybody like that in your life?

Anyway these negative emotions have go to be turned around, so what are you going to focus on to change things, to occupy your thoughts with? Your ex obviously saw something in you, so you should feel that your esteem need not necessarily be so low. I tell myself now to avoid extremes..I'm not great and I'm not crap..I'm just OK. I'm sure you are too. Is there a place to go to or a group to join to get you out of your depressive thought routines?

You've come to the right place to talk these things through anyway. Tell us all a bit more about what's keeping you so down about everything. Writing it out always helps me but starting to write it is so difficult! 

Hi there Alex

I remember being your age and briefly seeing a girl for a few dates and then by pushing the relationship too much I got dumped. However I could not let go for a long, long time and because we stayed friends, it was so much more difficult finally to let go. I would spend all day thinking about her, misinterpret every sign she made, put her on an impossible pedestal but eventually I just met other people and the pain, which was really almost 100% self-inflicted, slowly faded away.

If your ex-girlfriend left you for another guy, it probably just means you didn't fit well together and it's better to see it like that than to blame yourself in any way. As you have AS, I would guess the feeling of rejection is going to be more intense. Sometimes I wonder if guys feel the heartbreak more than the girls because we find it hard to share emotions and open up and girls help us to do that. So when they're no longer there, you're all opened up but there's no-one left to share the feelings with.

It's too easy to say...don't obsess about her because that's advice I'm giving but which I didn't take at the time, however if I could shake my younger self by the shoulders, I would drum it into his head to move on and find someone more suitable. Sometimes it's even better to have a girl who's a friend than a girlfriend. Do you have anybody like that in your life?

Anyway these negative emotions have go to be turned around, so what are you going to focus on to change things, to occupy your thoughts with? Your ex obviously saw something in you, so you should feel that your esteem need not necessarily be so low. I tell myself now to avoid extremes..I'm not great and I'm not crap..I'm just OK. I'm sure you are too. Is there a place to go to or a group to join to get you out of your depressive thought routines?

You've come to the right place to talk these things through anyway. Tell us all a bit more about what's keeping you so down about everything. Writing it out always helps me but starting to write it is so difficult!