Heartbreak

Hi there Alex

I remember being your age and briefly seeing a girl for a few dates and then by pushing the relationship too much I got dumped. However I could not let go for a long, long time and because we stayed friends, it was so much more difficult finally to let go. I would spend all day thinking about her, misinterpret every sign she made, put her on an impossible pedestal but eventually I just met other people and the pain, which was really almost 100% self-inflicted, slowly faded away.

If your ex-girlfriend left you for another guy, it probably just means you didn't fit well together and it's better to see it like that than to blame yourself in any way. As you have AS, I would guess the feeling of rejection is going to be more intense. Sometimes I wonder if guys feel the heartbreak more than the girls because we find it hard to share emotions and open up and girls help us to do that. So when they're no longer there, you're all opened up but there's no-one left to share the feelings with.

It's too easy to say...don't obsess about her because that's advice I'm giving but which I didn't take at the time, however if I could shake my younger self by the shoulders, I would drum it into his head to move on and find someone more suitable. Sometimes it's even better to have a girl who's a friend than a girlfriend. Do you have anybody like that in your life?

Anyway these negative emotions have go to be turned around, so what are you going to focus on to change things, to occupy your thoughts with? Your ex obviously saw something in you, so you should feel that your esteem need not necessarily be so low. I tell myself now to avoid extremes..I'm not great and I'm not crap..I'm just OK. I'm sure you are too. Is there a place to go to or a group to join to get you out of your depressive thought routines?

You've come to the right place to talk these things through anyway. Tell us all a bit more about what's keeping you so down about everything. Writing it out always helps me but starting to write it is so difficult! 

hi there as19, cool to meet you

sorry to hear of your heartbreak, that sucks, but you will make it, it just hurts for a while is all 

its not difficult to see how someone leaving you for another guy will make you feel rock bottom , but you have to find a way to get back up again,  is it something you feel you can do on your own? or do you think you may need help , either with a doctor or medication ?

my partner who has a.s has been going through a bit of a rough time too having bouts of depression along with other things, but i know he will make it, and so will you

what is it you dont understand about a.s? is there something specific or is it just a whole big ' i dont get it' to aspergers in general?

i will try to help if i can feel free to ask any qs

Take heart..,, at your age it is quite common for relationships to breakdown or move on for what ever reason, normally people generally dip there toe into another relationship before they leave the first partner. You are very lucky you found out the way she was,, not your fault, she is what she is, it is just life and *** happens as they say. Not a reflection on WHO YOU ARE. Let it go BRO !

hi AS19 - I think lots of posters will identify with how you feel after breaking up with someone you clearly had very strong feelings for.  It can be like a bereavement - a big loss in all sorts of ways.   Because you're still feeling as bad as you did when it 1st happened I think you need to consider seeking help of some sort for your depression.   Depression which lasts a long time can need some sort of intervention, whether a talking therapy, medication or maybe both (I'm not a doctor - this is just what I've read).  bw