any advice for me is truely welcome please.

My grandson is 9 years old and autistic.  It has been a long struggle but have finally got a diagnosis.  I do a lot of the caring as both his mum and dad both work on front line services which involves various shift work.  In February 2020 we all had a meeting at my grandsons school because his behaviour was causing problems.   He was using the N word which we understand is not acceptable.  However, this language has only been learnt within the school and is never ever used by any of our family.  The head teacher stated that she has to inform the authorities and this will be on record and that the parents could possibly face charges.  At this same meeting the SEN said she would start the ball rolling immediately for a "Carers Package" in school. Lock down came into force and the parents have not had any feedback re this package.  They telephoned the education department only to be told that the package has never been applied for  and is now unlikely to be approved this year.  Can anyone give me any information of who or where to go for assistance, the school just do not seem interested in anything requested for special needs children.

There is a younger sister who is at a different school, she and parents have received six telephone calls from teachers and the headmaster and offers of assistance have been given during the lock down but not one call from my grandsons school and he is the one who is in need of this most.

Sorry if I've gone on a bit but I am at my wits end trying to find some help before it is too late.  My grandson is already being bullied and we don't seem to be able to see a light at the end of the tunnel.

  • Hello NA S67405

    Welcome to the community. I am sorry to hear you are having some issues around the schooling side of things for your grandson.

    You may find the following  information useful.


    The following article contains a lot of helpful information about education for a child with an autism: This includes information regarding getting extra support for your child in their education setting.


    You can search for schools that cater for children with an autism spectrum disorder on our Autism Services Directory:


    It can help to pass on information specifically for education professionals about autism spectrum disorders. The following link contains information written for education professionals:


    You may want to contact our Education Rights Service who provides information, support and advice on educational provision and entitlements. Please see the following link for further information:

    I hope you find some of this useful

    Best Wishes

    Lorraine Mod

  • HI - you sound like a wonderful grandparent, who like many, find themselves caring for a child/children on the spectrum and dealing with the school system. You’ll hopefully find NAS services beneficial. If however, no matter what changes are eventually implemented, you feel your grandson is sinking rather than swimming, I can’t stress how important it is to have a Plan B. By this, I mean home education. If your grandson is in a mainstream school, which sounds likely, working as a team with staff is crucial, but if you notice behavioural changes, any regression or depression etc, please know that parents/grandparents have options here. Your grandson’s mental health needs to be the number 1 priority. I sincerely hope that since he now has a diagnosis, that meaningful and appropriate supports will be put in place for him asap from the time her re-enters the school environment. Very best wishes. 

  • I can’t provide clarity on much of this however I can provide assurance in one area - the parents can’t and won’t face criminal charges for this. Essentially they cannot be deemed responsible for this. Under the age of 10 a child is not deemed criminally responsible and legal parents or guardians are only responsible to a point - essentially if they’ve not done anything to encourage criminality and are good parents there is no charges to levy. At most the police may have a quiet word about the use of racially inappropriate language, but in truth I doubt they’d even do this. It’s scare mongering from the headteacher who in my opinion has allowed red tape to get in the way of a situation that could be dealt with far more efficiently. Combined with the SEN failings. I’d advise complaining about the school to the local authorities. Show the headteacher that two can play at the reporting game!