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Eye Contact

GE90BEN

I really struggle with this. Even my friends, Girlfriend and my family. When i do make eye contact its at silent points in the conversation which is obviously not the correct point. Also when i have to look into peoples eyes for a long time they start to water and since im mid conversation, whether that be with my employer or my parents, i cant do anything like wipe them or anything. I cant do this eye contact thing, I do listen to what people say but since im not making eye contact they think im taking no notice. I also feel like im being watched when im out. One way i dealt with this is wearing sunglasses everytime i went out. It helps a lot and makes me feel more at ease making eye contact since the person i am chatting to cant see my eyes. This of course isn't always possible to do for example at night time you will look silly.

Any tips for improving eye contact. I have tried the talking to myself in the mirror but i feel so uncomfortable and my eyes start to water and i just automatically look everywhere but myself in the mirror. Its annoying because people get a bad impression from me. They think im taking no notice and im not interested in the conversation or im not listening etc.

Sorry about the puncutation in this post. I tend to use commas a lot instead of full stops. Dont really know the difference Stuck out tongue

Thank you for taking the time to read.

Parents

  • Hi there, it has taken me years to get on top of this very common problem, even now if I am stressed my eye contact is worse. The advice about below about balance is good. Most people don't like being stared at, so practicing a little eye contact then a break is more comfortable. Body language is also key, so perhaps sit or stand at the side of the person you are talking to, the occasional nod of the head and verbal comment will also show interest. People generally get wrapped up in talking about themselves, so they probably won't notice the things your aware. Finally, breathe .. if you relax they will too :)

  • in reply to Oscie

    Yes this is something that just needs practice. I am 53 now and still find it uncomfortable and tiring to do the eye contact thing right at times. But saying that it has got better over the years with practice. They key is to relax and act it out as others have said in this post. The advice on 10 seconds eye contact then away then back again is good advice, maybe occasionally nodding your head (as is also mentioned in a post) when you give that eye contact. Sort of make it look relaxed and fleeting if that makes sense.

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  • in reply to Oscie

    Yes this is something that just needs practice. I am 53 now and still find it uncomfortable and tiring to do the eye contact thing right at times. But saying that it has got better over the years with practice. They key is to relax and act it out as others have said in this post. The advice on 10 seconds eye contact then away then back again is good advice, maybe occasionally nodding your head (as is also mentioned in a post) when you give that eye contact. Sort of make it look relaxed and fleeting if that makes sense.

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