Blunt Boyfriend

Hi! I'm a non-autistic partner of a little over one year to a lovely autistic boyfriend who we'll call Jay. Jay can be extremely caring, kind, gentle, sincere, and very, very blunt. His bluntness often reveals itself when I show him projects I've made or content I like, and he critiques it in a way that I feel, and that he agrees, is very harsh. We're long distance right now, so most of our conversations are via text, which I feel can make it even harder to interpret tone/cut back on that bluntness some. 

Let me divert for a second with a little about me: I have ADHD, and consequentially Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, which basically means that I interpret very small actions--down to the punctuation of a text--as signs that people are upset with/angry at me. I know that's something that I struggle with, and I'm intentional about trying to check those feelings. Sometimes that makes me question whether I'm taking the things he says too harshly, but he agrees that they can often come off a little cruel. 

So, all that to say, we've talked about his bluntness before, and how much it hurts my feelings. It always happens in a cycle, where he will say something that I feel is hurtful, I'll withdraw (or sometimes say "wait, that hurt my feelings," depending on how much it stung) and he'll notice, apologize, and say something to the effect of, "that's how I talk sometimes" or "that's what happens when I open my mouth". And then nothing changes. We reenact all this a few times a month, sometimes less, rarely more. 

Which brings me to my question: I really don't like being hurt by what Jay says, but I don't know how much I can expect him to modify his behavior. My RSD, for example, means I sometimes need reassurance that people aren't upset with me, and with Jay, he doesn't expect me to heal from that overnight. I don't expect him to change instantaneously, either, but getting hurt over and over is becoming more and more exhausting. So what do you folks think? If you're an autistic person, how would you want your partner to approach this? For the most part, we're really happy together, but I know that getting hurt bothers me, and I also know that hurting me upsets him. If you're a partner of an autistic person who's run into this before, how have you approached it? 

Also, if I've been insensitive at any point, *please* tell me. I would appreciate it to no end. 

Thank you so much for your help in advance!