I am 47 and in my life I have been blessed to have had three girlfriends. Not actually ever had sex, but I have been very close and with intimate kissing with the first...
But anyway. Somehow, I mess things up? I don't know how. The first one I was going to marry and though I later found out that she had dated another the same time as me (He was actually living in her parents house and ai was told he was a house guest) but somehow I must have messed up somehow, as she would not be looking for another if I was an ideal catch.
The second I ended it. It was about ten years later. I tried to date before that but it took me ten years to forgive myself for the first and move on. I ended it. All through the dating she kept asking me if I loved her and somehow I could not convince her... There was a little more to it as I had been praying. As I really loved her but somehow I felt that she was not the one for me... But sadly I upset her and I really really hate upsetting ladies. I prayed and prayed and a miracle took place. Somehow I actually was able to introduce her (Via a chat site we were all on) to a really nice gentleman and they got together and now they have been happily married for a while. :) I am really really happy for them and I hope it lasts for ever! She found a much more suitable man then I was.
I found it very hard to get over her though as I really really missed her as a friend. Ok, as a lover it was over. But as a friend... I was devistated.
But a few months ago, somehow I found a lady who was attracted to me. Things progressed. We did meet once but not as a date. As friends.
Anyway. Somehow I may have messed things up again?
《Ammended. All is fine now. We are in ♡ again》.
You may have puzzled why I had left it soo long before I ever started dating as my first girlfriend was when I was 36 years old. I had better explain.
I have difficulties at times with faceblindness. I had had it for years but it wasn't until I was in collage that I first noticed. I knew all about it as my Mum also has it. In collage I kept getting marks wrong for homework and it took me either half a year or a year and a half (I don't remember) to work out that there were two seperate lecturers. Even having different sirnames I didn't catch on. One day one of them came in to speak to the other when I realized why all my homework would be marked wrong. Mathematical answers where every answer was wrong. Puzzled me for ages. I kept handing them in to the wrong lecturers. As I rarely showed the workings out as I usually did things in my head (I do maths by counting in dots like on a dice or dominoes, and I work in various "Bases" like base six or base eight, and then convert them over to base ten, as my mind works in picture form best.
But during this time when I was 16, I tried to go on my first date. I was far too shy to talk to these two girls directly, so I sent a note. The reply was "Meet me outside the gates after tech finishes". The one that fancied me signed her name as Claire. Claire R... was her name. (Uhmm. Best I not say her whole sirname). A beautiful shy but sweet young lady about two years older then me.
So I went to the main gates. Was just some lady waiting for her kid to come back from the school next door and she was standing there under her umbrella looking at me. I waited and waited and no. No sign of her. (Another guy from my class fancied her and said she was not going to turn up as he wanted her for himself).
It suddenly dawned on me after about 15 to 20 odd minutes of standing there, that there were more then one set of gates. Actually five sets of gates around a large area, so I ran halfway across the tech (The old technical College) to unlock my bicycle, and I kept cycling back and fore to check all the gates. Nothing. Only that lady waiting for her child.
At about 35 minutes of waiting, and when I checked the front gates, that lady was still there and all the other ladies had gone with their children, I decided to call it a day and cycle back home. It was now dark as it was in the winter.
The next day I had a real telling off with her friend asking why I had stood her up, and she had been waiting outside the gates... I didn't recognize her as I just did not expect her to have an umbrella, and I am no good with faces as I tend not to make eye to eye contact that much. (I have learnt to do it but I glance directly and then look just to one side so they think I make eye contact as many people don't like to eye contact as they think I maybe a criminal or something?).
Well. I wad soo upset that I had upset her that I stayed away from trying to date another woman and I don't think I hardly asked any ladies out. My first girlfriend asked me out. Prior to that quite a few ladies asked me out but I always said "No" as politely as I could, as I did not want to upset them, as I had hurt that other lady soo much...
So this dating thing... Uhmm... 
Help! Hahahaha! 
