I HAVE ASPERGERS - Please can you help me reach out to friends/acquaintances during this crisis?

I HAVE ASPERGERS - Please can you help me reach out to friends/acquaintances during this crisis?

Hi everyone,

I am here in the UK, and today, all social venues have been asked to close indefinitely. For me, this rounds off quite a difficult week - where all of my regular social contact has been cut off due to the global C - 19 crisis. I am worried that this will make me very isolated now (I am away from University at the moment, so away from a lot of people). Please could you help me write an initial message that I can use to reach out to friends I have on my Facebook list, so that I can initiate a Facebook/Skype chat with them?

I am quite a shy person, so don't really speak to friends often, but many have said that they care and I can 'always speak to them'. I sort of feel that I have lots of acquaintances, but few close friends due to my natural shyness (such as the difficulties I am having now in reaching out) stopping me from developing closer friendships.

I have drafted my initial thoughts below:

"Hi __________,

I hope that you are well? Just wondering if we could have a chat on here at some point (if you are available)? How's this C - 19 affecting you - everything feels so isolated now! I'm quite shy (socially) and having a chat with you means a lot to me!

Best wishes,

[My Name]"

Please could you say if this is okay to send, of if you could help me write something more concise that will help me reach out?

Thank you so much for any help.

  • It's quite formal I would think for facebook chat. I'd start with 'hi how are you doing?' Then when they reply, go on from there and say a bit later that your feeling isolated etc. Theres a few facebook groups being set up at the moment tooso that may be another idea. You could always set up a group or instagram page!

  • I'd start with a quote I heard on youtube the other day:

    Best quote I heard in days

    "We're all in this together, everyone needs to unite and work with each other....Separately."

    Want to hang out separately? join my (zoom or similar) chat link at (insert time) for some serious silliness.

  • I think loneliness for people who have autism will be a big challenge. I like you am really struggling (I do at the best of times but it’s even worse right now). I should probably try to make new friends or just people to chat to, but I’m terrible at doing so :-/ So advice from me won’t be great but if you can reach out... in fact we all should reach out and support one another a bit more really I guess.

  • I am terrible at initiating contact, I  really suck at trying to figure out other people's intentions.  To try and get around this, I try to "create the intention" - in other words, leave a virtual door open for any person that wants to enter.  

    It's no use in an "acute" situation, but if I am  just lonely.  I think of it as "fishing" for friends:

    1. take a photo of something nice or something that might be interesting: eg the leaves are opening on a tree outside , the sun is casting an awesome shadow on the wall, or there is a squirrel.  Try to find something thought provoking or humorous.    2. post it on facebook with a caption that prompts people to "like" or respond, eg. "it seems the squirrel has come out of isolation".   3.  When someone responds, take the opportunity to message that person individually in messenger , say "hello X, nice to hear from you, how are you getting on?"       

    Since they came to my picture and liked it , i feel they are more open for a chat and I am not boring them or bothering them.  

    I am rubbish at chatting but that's another matter 

  • Hi there!

    I have few close friends, but feel very isolated from colleagues.

    We've set up Virtual Coffee where each member of the team chooses a time in the day when they normally stop for a cuppa and sends the team a Microsoft Teams invitation (similar to Skype but more reliable). Then anyone who's free simply joins in. Maybe for 30 seconds, maybe for 10 minutes - just like coffee in the office.

    We also have Thirsty Thursday (last Thursday of the month). Grab a drink (beer, wine, coffee) and join in.

    As others have said, try a less formal "virtual coffee". The very best of luck :-) 

  • That’s a good idea although maybe you could start by saying hi and asking how they are. As you’ve said that you can also be shy, why not start off by sending messages back and forth to each other before you then feel ready enough to actually talk :) (as well as also following the advice which others have given to you about this post)