What would you do.

We have his aspergers assessment and home visit next monday and then the peds assessments on 19th Dec, gp was good and cahms are doing their best but with him blanking out and seemingly going down hill so fast (its not fast I've been telling them for months he's been getting worse!) it's all come to a head, I feel like the worse mum in the world, he is falling in and out of panicing today quite easily so just going to take it a day at a time, and trust him in what he wants to do, hard when I'm armed with bubble wrap to keep him safe :0(

hi again - just to say the previous posters make relevant points.  It looks like your son would enjoy school if the exam pressure disappeared, apart from maths because of his teacher.  Unfortunately the school's at loggerheads with you.  You say various paediatricians haven't diagnosed asd, so are you still pursuing a diagnosis?  If he starts to feel better whilst away from school, is it poss to explain to him why he hasn't been going?  As I said before, it will be chaotic for him if all these changes keep happening to his routine, that's why using a chart/calendar/pictures, whatever suits best, will help to stabilise him so he knows in advance + for how long things will go on in a particular way + why.  Is your GP any help?  bw - hope things improve.

Thank you Paul and Daisygirl, we are new to this-even though my son is 15, up until now 2 schools and 3 lots of peds have told us he's nervous hesunderconfidbandana basically to stop being so neurotic!!. Over the last few weeks we have had to start thinking with him being on the spectrum and trying to alter ways we handle situations, i feel we have done ok with our son up til now Nd just bumbled along, but feel like we are going into this totally blind, and welcome suggestions and opinions that are focused on helping our son, I think he needs a rest, but is that for my benefit or his,is my need to protect him fueling the fire. I see where your coming from and routine is the best. I just don't know what to do, im going to have to keep him home tomorrow, he is shattered and a doesn't seem to bothered about that,school are worried about exams because of school league tables, I had a call from a teacher last Tuesday demanding he went to a meeting about upping his grades, I said no and she went off at me and said he doesn't have a formal diagnosis yet, its irrelevant.ive been warned the head will come at me to, I'm ready for him!!. They all keep talking  ' short term' as exams, well they aren't short term they Re going on for the next 6 months, short term is the next couple of days in our house, and he is in this state after one week. We have cancelled the exams in January, and am expecting a fight to cancel the others but I will win, he can still get grades Fromm course work, that he loves. He likes school, and loves his teachers, the only one he can't get on with is maths, the teacher has no regard for My son, I want that changed, other children go to a different room for maths to they can hopefully help my boy to. I really appreciate your honest answers, they help me understand my bs on better, 

have a great day xx

I am an adult, formally diagnosed with Aspergers.

Does your son like school?

I think this is the crucial question. If it is just the exams then he simply shouldn't be doing exams, and he can go to school but not be involved in the exams. If it is school he is stressed with and does not enjoy, then he shouldn't be going to school at all.

I sufferred from shutdowns (which it sounds like your son is having), where I could not even be awoken from sleep, or if I was awake I could not speak, or even take sips of water to drink. It is crucial to remove the reason for the stress response.

Do not be bullied into thinking your son has to take exams. If I had done exams at school I would have failed them all. Why are the school so concerned he takes the exams? It is very important that people with ASDs are not rushed into doing things before they are ready, it is impossible to recover from that kind of pushing. I don't know what level your son is at, but I waited til I was ready and did very well in exams, but not through the school system.

I hope your son is feeling better.

I hope you don't mind me contributing but will it really be a rest for him?

When we have a lesson break we use that time to socialise with friends. We talk about common things. To a peson with autism this break is not a break it is a hell. During lesson times the know what to expect. They know what might be coming next. They don't have to think about thins. It is familiar - even if it is stressful.

When my students with autism were off their parents found them impossible. Quite often we would encourage students to come in even if they were ill and would normally be off school (obviously not if they were vomiting etc) because it was what they expected.

I am sure you know your son best and therefore it will be a rest but I think it might be good to consider this aspect if he gets restless, upset, anxious because he is expecting to go to school.

I hope he and you have a restful time

Paulz

Thank you Crystal, I think he needs a rest too, and yes so do I, I'm hoping if I keep him off a few days he'll start to relax and it will give school the opportunity to get their act together, and thanis for reminding me about letting him know as soon as pos, my head is swimming 

Rx

hi - I'm presuming your son will understand times/dates etc.  If you make a decision to keep him off school, then it's better if he knows as much in advance as poss + for how long.  A sick note from the doctor's should cover you.  Sounds like he's totally stressed + can't process what's going on.   Sounds like he really needs a break to recoup (+ so do you).  Too many fingers in the pie with Camhs/school.  If it was up to me I'd give him that break