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Sigh... a long winded whinge....

MrsP

Hi guys,

Just having a bit of a "why me" moment really... Undecided


Had a doozy of a meltdown last night, ds (6) threw a toy at me, kicked me in the stomach, licked the carpet, banged his head on the wall etc etc etc.. We have them on average of fortnightly atm which i know is quite good (they used to be every other day but we are getting there) but they are just getting so out of control as he gets stronger :(


Tried to have the "calm down" chat afterwards and he brought up the toy he had thrown and for about 3 seconds i thought OMG hes actually showing remorse.. but then he went onto talk about what part of the toy hit me, was it this part of that part, if this part hurt me this much would that part have hurt more or less? etc etc - as he was calmly chatting about this my heart was actually breaking into teeny tiny pieces as it dawned on me that this likely wont change :(

Got an appointment on 20.11.12 for THE chat re: medication - DS is showing significant signs of Sensory issues (mostly hyposensitivity) but also quite alot of ADD/ADHD signs (usually related to overstimulation though)... I just want someone else to make the decisions for a bit? Does anyone ahve any experiences positive/negative with medication? I just feel like such a cop out for even considering it....... But i honestly wonder how much longer i can contain the meltdowns before me or someone else gets really bloody hurt!!


Im sick to the back teeth of Speech and Language (whom i am actually starting to dislike quite intensely!!), OT popped it, promised the world then disappeared again, my husband works away and Ds's dad is adament that its just a phase he will outgrow!!!


I feel so alone right now :(

Parents

  • Hello Mrs P,

    I am an adult with Aspergers, and I just thought I would write a couple of things which may or may not have any relevance to your son.

    Are you able to discern why your son is having meltdowns so often? Really think about every aspect of his life from the smallest to the largest in a completely logical way and see if there is a specific pattern. Noise (especially droning noises, even if they were seemingly very quiet), smells (I cannot stand ANY perfumed smells even very very mild ones), too much stimulation from certain types of TV and computer games were a big problem for me, as was lack of alone time to concentrate on my special interests.

    I know your son is young but does he have special interests, that are not loud? I love gaming but it is not relaxing but stimulating and can result in me not sleeping, likewise with music and TV programmes. I know not all people with an ASD are like this, but if I was to listen to music in the evening I would be awake a lot. If he doesn't have a special interest yet maybe try and introduce things like a musical instrument, books on specific subjects etc., even books on a TV program are better than constantly being bombarded by sound.

    You mentioned the "calm down" chat. Even when I was much older than your son, if anyone had had a "calm down" chat with me I would have used my avoidance techniques of either zoning out completely or concentrating on small details of things and talking about them, is this what your son was doing maybe? Even now when people talk too much about difficult things I do this, noticing the fluff on their jumpers or a small dot on the wall. All the time this is just a way of dealing with my actual feeling of 'I need to get away from this', it actually feels like my skin is crawling if I have to sit/stand and listen to explanations. I much prefer simple to the point statements, which must have internal logic, or I just picked them apart.

    When dealing with a child with autism/Aspergers I think the parent must try to really get inside the disorder and understand it from that perspective. This is hard, and of course every single child is different.

    Lastly, I had LOTS of energy. I needed a way to harness this. I hated school sport but soon found swimming (as long as the pool was not chaotic), and ballet, because if you get a good teacher who takes a proper class, you can repeat the class at home and get over the co-ordination problems which many children with autism have. Repitition can be a very big way to calm children with autism. I did barre work every day, and laps of the pool. Other people I have heard of jumping on a trampoline for hours, hitting a tennis ball, practising football skills.

    I hope this may be of some small help with your son.

Reply

  • Hello Mrs P,

    I am an adult with Aspergers, and I just thought I would write a couple of things which may or may not have any relevance to your son.

    Are you able to discern why your son is having meltdowns so often? Really think about every aspect of his life from the smallest to the largest in a completely logical way and see if there is a specific pattern. Noise (especially droning noises, even if they were seemingly very quiet), smells (I cannot stand ANY perfumed smells even very very mild ones), too much stimulation from certain types of TV and computer games were a big problem for me, as was lack of alone time to concentrate on my special interests.

    I know your son is young but does he have special interests, that are not loud? I love gaming but it is not relaxing but stimulating and can result in me not sleeping, likewise with music and TV programmes. I know not all people with an ASD are like this, but if I was to listen to music in the evening I would be awake a lot. If he doesn't have a special interest yet maybe try and introduce things like a musical instrument, books on specific subjects etc., even books on a TV program are better than constantly being bombarded by sound.

    You mentioned the "calm down" chat. Even when I was much older than your son, if anyone had had a "calm down" chat with me I would have used my avoidance techniques of either zoning out completely or concentrating on small details of things and talking about them, is this what your son was doing maybe? Even now when people talk too much about difficult things I do this, noticing the fluff on their jumpers or a small dot on the wall. All the time this is just a way of dealing with my actual feeling of 'I need to get away from this', it actually feels like my skin is crawling if I have to sit/stand and listen to explanations. I much prefer simple to the point statements, which must have internal logic, or I just picked them apart.

    When dealing with a child with autism/Aspergers I think the parent must try to really get inside the disorder and understand it from that perspective. This is hard, and of course every single child is different.

    Lastly, I had LOTS of energy. I needed a way to harness this. I hated school sport but soon found swimming (as long as the pool was not chaotic), and ballet, because if you get a good teacher who takes a proper class, you can repeat the class at home and get over the co-ordination problems which many children with autism have. Repitition can be a very big way to calm children with autism. I did barre work every day, and laps of the pool. Other people I have heard of jumping on a trampoline for hours, hitting a tennis ball, practising football skills.

    I hope this may be of some small help with your son.

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