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HELP !!!!!

Dawn

Hi, oh where to start ! Well my son is now 13 and was diagnosed with ADHD at about the age of seven, that being after i spent 4-5yrs fighting my GP to actually get a referral (incidently still waiting for that, had to take a diversion). Tom has been seing a phyciatrist ever since and currently takes Concerta xl and as thought was plodding along nicely. So to cut a long story short we went on tuesday for our 3 monthly appointment. The Dr told me that she has been seing Tom for a long time now and wasnt going to say anything as she didnt want him to have another "label" to deal with (he was also born with a hand deformity) anyway it seems she thinks he also has ASD and asked if i wanted her to begin getting a diagnosis. YES ! I had never heard of this before so came home and read up on it and to be honest deep down i know that its a case of WHEN and not If we get the results ! He is the same little boy i know and love so why do i feel like my whole world has caved in !! Im worried about what the future holds for him now ? Any advice would be good right now ! Thanks.

  • As someone on the spectrum myself, I'd just like to say what the other posters have said about eye-contact is spot on!

    Don't try to force your son to look you, or anyone else in the eyes. It often does our heads in.

    Likewise, don't force him to do things he finds difficult (like talking to strangers). It often does our heads in.

    And, we are often very reward motivated, but be careful not to use the removal of rewards as a punishment (as in "you won't get 'a reward' if...").

  • hi Dawn - I agree with MrsP about the eye contact - could make things worse, as could making him apologise to a strange (hell).  Both these techniques would routinely be used for children without autism, but could create more problems for you and Tom.  He's picked up a word from somewhere, "freak" and gets a reaction when he uses it.  Does he know exactly what it means?  My son picked up the F-word from tv.  We told him some words are not nice and people get upset if you speak those words to them.  We didn't show any reaction.  My son notices big reactions more easily, so it might have encouraged him to repeat to see if it got the same response, altho he doesn't know the meaning of the word.  Maybe a reward system for Tom if he doesn't use the word whilst out would help.  My son responds to rewards, as long as it's something he really likes!

  • Maybe you could invest in some reading Books ? They have been a god send to me :) and in another note - making a child with Asd make eye contact isn't usualLy a good idea - it stimulates the brain and especially if your correcting the behaviour it can be very uncomfortable (bordering on painful) for them. X 

  • Hi, its been a strange old week since i was told to be honest, the school, my good friend and my partner all instantly said that it "made sense". But strangest of all was shopping with Tom on Saturday we were strolling along chatting when we spotted a man out side a book shop having his photo taken, Tom looked at him and shouted freak to him !! i took him into a shop and took him to the corner and explaind (again) that it was rude to do this (all the time struggling to get him to look at me) and that next time he done this i was going to make him apologise to the person he had been rude to (talking to a stranger his idea of hell). After our chat i noticed the secrity gard was watching us so as usal apologised ! He just lookedat me and said ohhhh are you ok love does he have autism ? never bloody heard of asd till this week and now this ! To be honest though it made things more pleasant and less embarassing to jst say yes he has :-) x

  • hi Dawn - I think a lot of people are affected when they see the diagnosis in black + white, even if they were expecting it.  Your reaction is not unusual.  Having a diagnosis helps to concentrate your thoughts + understand what your son needs.  He is an individual 1st and foremost who has asd.  His asd will affect him to some degree in certain ways.  Understanding this means you can focus on giving or getting him whatever helps.  This site has loads of info about asd so it's a gd idea to check things out here, as well as coming on the posts.  bw