Published on 12, July, 2020
Does anyone else struggle sometimes to do ‘appropriate’ greetings? You know, as the social skills textbook instructs, especially when hugely distracted by something else? Usually I can manage it, but this morning I may have managed to diversify!
I happened to need to pop to the Scout shop this morning to buy some badges for my Beavers. After I got out of my car I realised that there was what looked like a dead hedgehog by the side of the car park. So I had to stop for a few minutes to investigate whether a) it was actually a hedgehog, and b) it was actually dead. So after establishing those facts, I walked into the shop and rather than doing the textbook greeting, I just said “there’s a dead hedgehog in the car park!” Luckily they were fine with it, they even asked what group scarf it was wearing BUT this really isn’t the appropriate way for me to greet people who I haven’t seen for a few months!!
I honestly think much to the way I greet people hello, hi, how you doing - answer not to bad, never to be answered honestly It did actually take me some time to learning that one, I must say though saying goodbye feels odd so I just say see you tomorrow or see you again or ta-ra. Its the hand shake that confuses me do men and women shake hands if so is there a difference other than the firm grip?
I find hand-shaking awkward, too; not helped by being a bit dyspraxic, so my aim isn't very good and I can find it hard to tell how hard I'm squeezing (I've been a bass player, caver, and rock-climber over the years, so I have a surprisingly strong grip for someone who looks so wimpy).
Hugs, I find even more confusing. Some people seem to hug just about everyone in their social circle, others seem to be very selective, and I don't seem to be able to read whatever body language it is that indicates that one is appropriate unless they really obviously open their arms to receive one. I can't work out at all what different people's boundaries are for how well they need to know someone before it's appropriate, and I think my anxiety about it probably makes my body language look very defensive, so I don't look as if I'd want one anyway, even if I would. By the time I've procrastinated about it, the moment has usually passed anyway, and then I've set a precedent that I don't hug, so the anxiety is even worse the next time because I worry that offering one would seem out of character. I would guess that most people I know think that I just don't like to do it, which isn't true at all; but then that leads them to stop offering hugs, so I also get anxious that people will notice that I'm the only person not being offered one, etc. Aaargh!
I'm guessing that a 'rock climbing hold' might be a tad too much for a hand shake! I think it's really impressive, given that you have dyspraxia, that you managed to achieve bass playing, caving and rock climbing! Well done!
I'm not a naturally huggy person. I don't mind people giving me a hug hello but I'm not generally one to initiate it, so I tend to go with not hugging anyone unless they are the hugger! I do get what you mean though, I would be a bit offended if someone assumed that I didn't like being hugged and hugged everyone else apart from me. It's difficult though, if we don't feel comfortable enough to offer a hug to people!
Anyone else have any ideas for this?
Ah! We wouldn’t want to ignite the forum censer! I’m sorry that you didn’t find halls too good! I felt badly cheated that I missed out on it but then I do like my own space and I was content in my little two bedroom flat with my eldest throughout my uni days.
It really does seem like you drew the short straw with your uni accommodation. I remember that friends of mine who were on the same course, all had en suite rooms, a kitchen was shared between 5 in the nicer accommodation and 14 in the towers but there was no having to share toilets/showers/wash basins. The noise sounds awful!
I would guess that all of the stress probably contributed to you drinking as often and as much as you did. But it didn’t help. Perhaps you getting drunk was you letting out all of the stress you were experiencing during the day but unfortunately didn’t go down too well with your fellow students or help with your agoraphobia!
The things we have to go through when trying to manage a condition that we don’t yet know we suffer from and much less how to appropriately manage it!
Glad you’ve left your mine sweeping days behind!