Inappropriate Social Greetings!

Does anyone else struggle sometimes to do ‘appropriate’ greetings? You know, as the social skills textbook instructs, especially when hugely distracted by something else? Usually I can manage it, but this morning I may have managed to diversify!

I happened to need to pop to the Scout shop this morning to buy some badges for my Beavers. After I got out of my car I realised that there was what looked like a dead hedgehog by the side of the car park. So I had to stop for a few minutes to investigate whether a) it was actually a hedgehog, and b) it was actually dead. So after establishing those facts, I walked into the shop and rather than doing the textbook greeting, I just said “there’s a dead hedgehog in the car park!” Luckily they were fine with it, they even asked what group scarf it was wearing Rofl BUT this really isn’t the appropriate way for me to greet people who I haven’t seen for a few months!!

Parents
  • Oh I don’t know-it’s more interesting than hello? I know what you mean though. Around here the appropriate greeting is hello, how ya doing. I still can’t compute the fact that this isn’t a question you should answer...

  • A friend was today confused about ASD and decided to try digging into things that I find stressful, especially at work.

    "Give me an example, what causes stress in the office?"

    So I looked at him, replied, "I walk in the door, someone sees me, says, 'Hi, how are you?'" and stopped talking.

    He looked back at me, waited for me to continue, then paused, realised I'd finished, and sat there quietly processing. It hadn't even occurred to him that this might be a challenging conversation, a difficult interaction, a minefield that has to be negotiated and source of trauma with attendant post-traumatic stress, replaying the response, the following conversation, the impact that's had on the person and how they perceive me.

    "How do you deal with that?" he eventually asked, so I told him that in my 30s I learned that the correct response was to lie and just say that you're ok.

    I didn't want to upset him so didn't mention how very difficult that can be, how the words seldom match the tone or expression, how frustrating it is that I have to lie like that. I don't think he's ready for that reality yet.

    He hasn't had to deal with it multiple times a day for several decades.

Reply
  • A friend was today confused about ASD and decided to try digging into things that I find stressful, especially at work.

    "Give me an example, what causes stress in the office?"

    So I looked at him, replied, "I walk in the door, someone sees me, says, 'Hi, how are you?'" and stopped talking.

    He looked back at me, waited for me to continue, then paused, realised I'd finished, and sat there quietly processing. It hadn't even occurred to him that this might be a challenging conversation, a difficult interaction, a minefield that has to be negotiated and source of trauma with attendant post-traumatic stress, replaying the response, the following conversation, the impact that's had on the person and how they perceive me.

    "How do you deal with that?" he eventually asked, so I told him that in my 30s I learned that the correct response was to lie and just say that you're ok.

    I didn't want to upset him so didn't mention how very difficult that can be, how the words seldom match the tone or expression, how frustrating it is that I have to lie like that. I don't think he's ready for that reality yet.

    He hasn't had to deal with it multiple times a day for several decades.

Children
  • This makes me think of an interesting contrast. How things that most people consider normal, we may consider stressful. Yet, situations in which most people would be really stressed, we remain a scene of calmness and tranquility!

  • Back to the point that I made above, people shouldn't really ask a question to which they do not want to know the honest answer.

    My standard response is 'I'm good thank you, how are you?' as I've accepted that it's just a random social nicety that one is expected to play along with!

  • What a brilliant response!

    So much to think of in there, as it illustrates perfectly the almost total mismatch with what typical people *think* might cause stress, and what actually *does*; how what many people consider to be "just living" is actually stressful. Many things in the "just living" domain keep typical people happy, or at least give them a little buzz about being human, but the reverse for us and that never crosses most peoples' minds. Funny; one typical response to "I'm getting stressed" is "Want to talk about it?" - no that's what's stressing me!