Feeling frequently interrupted

Thanks for giving me your version of the 'imaginary friend' thing (IF hereafter). I think it helped me to put my own version into perspective.

From what you two are saying here, not all IFs exactly fit into the category of someone you can almost envisage walking around, talking to you, giving sound advice and receiving it in turn. I have been known to think that I've never had such an IF. But the funny thing is that I have long had this thing where my 'friends' are strange combinations of well-known local organisations and actual (older) people, all working together and being considerably more friendly and sensible than ever in real life; to make up for I suppose for a distinct lack of real friends of my own age. (I usually had mainly older acquaintances when I was young.[I'm now left slightly wondering just how genuine some of them ever really were]) But the IFs were all pretty much in my daydreams, rather than something bordering on a hallucination. And all the time I was quite aware that these IFs had no basis in anyone's version of reality. And it has continued to occur through my whole life, but perhaps has sometimes given me a false impression of the motives of some real people. And I think it is still quite active, despite self-ID and diagnosis. It is perhaps somewhat harmless; even though I'm now also beginning to think I might have 'imaginary enemies' (IEs).

I have noted that there are people who I used to count as enemies, who I no longer seem to bother me much. But perhaps that is because I now suspect that at least some of them have had to put up with similar life indignities to myself. But there are also arising IEs, And I note that I'm not alone in identifying such an 'enemy'. A considerable number of both ND and NT people seem to be very aware right now of numerous ongoing global threats. And rightly so, say I with my very usual streak of paranoia. (I have also been known to opine that most paranoia is the result of very real threat! Plenty of that about! ;-)

So perhaps the IFs and IEs were previously just figments of my day-dreaming, even though they were never something I totally believed in. But as life has gone on, some of the IFs and IEs have gradually morphed into slightly more solid perceived versions of reality.

As with a lot of the various listed manifestations of the 'spectrum', it has only recently begun to dawn on me how those supposed deficits match up with 'items' in my own very long and torrid experience. Fortunately, I still seem able to see the interesting and amusing side of my perceived situation. My degree of comfort with my own mind seems thus somewhat improved, but the degree of conflict with outside forces seems about the same. It would be hard for almost anyone to really say that the World is showing any real signs of improvement!

My imaginary friends used to be from TV programmes/films too! I know what you mean - it makes you feel better in the short-term but doesn't help in the long-term.

I quite often have an "imaginary friend"! Usually somebody from TV. I guess because sometimes I get lonely and having a friend who says exactly what you want them to say is much easier...but probably not great for the mental health.

I really relate to this - during one of the worst times of my life, I genuinely had a fantasy character that would "follow me around" (not a hallucination - I knew they weren't there, but I imagined they were). I thought it was reassuring, but I found I was just missing out on more, spending more time alone, and feeling depressed that life wasn't as simple as it was in my fantasy world.

Reading definitely helps. I've also tried creative writing as an outlet and found that really helps.

I definitely need to take some of this advice - I need to get better at managing other people's expectations (I tend to struggle through without letting people know if I need a break). I'm going to try to be more open with people when making plans

I'm not sure whether it's a symptom either - interestingly, I haven't found anything about it when I've looked up symptoms of autism, but a few autistic people seem to have mentioned doing something like this (either in books I've read, videos I've watched, or forums like this one). 

I found that too. It felt helpful when I first started doing it, but I became increasingly withdrawn (and irritable when someone interrupted the story that was going on in my head).

My best advice is to try and keep your mind occupied with other things, like your music. When I was trying to get myself out of the daydreaming habit, I actually tried writing about it (as a story) and for some reason, this helped. I dedicated a bit of time each day to writing the story and when fantasy stories started popping up in my head, I'd note the ideas down and revisit them later.

It takes some practice to tune yourself back in to reality, but you'll get there. Try and take care of yourself too - if it's a coping strategy, you might find you need it less when your stress levels are lower.

I find that the more stressful life is, the more I retreat into my fantasy version of life. I didn't realise that other people did this. I mostly do it lying on my bed but also walking or on public transport. It can be very jarring to be interrupted, especially by people wanting to talk.

I'm aware now that the more I do it, the more depressed I get so I am starting to notice and force myself to stop if I'm spending more time in my head than in the world.

Reading helps me as I guess it's similar in that I'm living a different life but via the book, but without the negative side effect of now having a fantasy version of my life where everything is better.

I also noted this this morning:

www.theguardian.com/.../woodland-sounds-help-relaxation-more-than-meditation-apps-study

www.nytimes.com/.../06real.html

I very much relate to your comments. And here I am at the outset of my 7th decade, and nothing much has changed. You are probably going to have to accept that this is your individual style. Perhaps one thing that might help is to realise that some places are just a bit better than others for your creative interludes. I very much think, however, that you should endeavour to keep doing something that is undoubtedly both productive and enjoyable for you; but bear in mind that you can choose appropriate venues and times to do so. For example, I will often switch off the music in my car when negotiating a challenging junction. And we are talking about driving in one of the most dangerous road safety locations in the World. (But actually, I find music helps me to concentrate on driving most of the time, and even blocks out some of the distracting passenger chat. I have a pretty good driving record.)

NAS63795 said:

I have been having all the conversations and experiences I want to have with them in my head

I'm very prone to doing this too - the kind of wish-fulfilment daydreams where people actually take an interest in what I have to say about my "weird" (to them) hobbies, and where the conversation always goes at a pace that I'm comfortable with for a change. I think it's a perfectly natural response if we usually find ourselves out of our depth in social situations, and when the things we think of to say don't result in the kind of interesting conversations that we'd prefer we could have.

But as you say, I think it can definitely become unhealthy - it doesn't matter how many times we run the simulation in our heads, it will never make reality turn out that way; and I think that it can actually make real socialising even harder, because we're setting ourselves up for disappointment by idealising a certain way of things turning out. I used to try to write a script in my head for every situation that I could think of before meeting people - and would then panic like crazy when by the end of the first sentence, no-one was following my script any more (how dare they!)

One thing that I've found can help is to manage people's expectations when making arrangements to go out. I used to force myself to stay out late etc. just to try and be like everyone else - and very often that would lead to me getting overwhelmed, and afterwards I'd ruminate about only the bad bit at the end when my brain was fried, and forget that there had been some better moments earlier on. These days, I make sure in advance that I have a plan for bailing out early if I need to, in a way that won't have me fretting that I'll offend anyone - it takes a lot of the pressure off to "perform" if I know that everyone's already cool with the idea that "I've a busy day tomorrow" and might only be popping out for a short while.

I've also started to be more honest about my need to have a break every now and then to get my breath back. If I find that my brain is starting to slow down, I'll nip outside to join the smokers and vapers for a bit, or even to a toilet cubicle. I always used to be afraid to do this, but again, I've found that people are actually pretty cool with it most of the time, so long as I've said what I'm up to instead of acting like I'm doing something furtive. In fact, the main problem now, is that it turned out most NT people would like to do this far more than they like to admit, so I sometimes get a few too many people following me out for a break! I didn't really want it becoming that trendy!

Thanks for your reply

Wearing headphones out (the full size noise cancelling type) is almost a necessity for me now. Of course some things are so loud that they cancel out my music but yes for the most part it's very helpful!

I definitely relate to  what you say about missing out on real life conversations. I have become increasingly isolated from friends because I have been having all the conversations and experiences I want to have with them in my head. I'm not entirely sure if this fantasy world I've created is a symptom of ASD but I guess I could echo what you said about it being a coping strategy after all real life social interactions are often exhausting for me. 

Having said that I have recently become aware of what a detrimental affect this isolation is having on me and so I have made a date to get myself out and see friends. Wether I will actually manage it when the time comes though remains to be seen! 

Hi - I'm also on the waiting list.

I definitely relate to this. I used to imagine scenarios so much that I'd create incredibly elaborate stories in my head; I think it was a kind of coping mechanism for the challenges I was facing at the time. I did end up reaching a point where I was missing out on real-life conversations because all I wanted was to get back to my daydreaming.

Noises and smells can be a real problem too. Some days, I'm fine; other days, the sensory stimulation is overpowering and everything seems too loud/smelly/bright. 

Have you tried listening to music or podcasts? That sometimes gives me something to occupy my mind while I'm walking around (as well as helping with noise sensitivity), without me getting too caught-up in daydreaming (don't get me wrong - I love daydreaming and still do it, but not as much as I used to).