Published on 12, July, 2020
Ok so this is very much a case of wanting to get something off my chest and to see if this is at all relatable for others especially as I am yet to get an official diagnosis (I am on the waiting list)
I frequently find myself feeling disturbed and interrupted not just by other people but also sensory stimulation such as noise and smells. I sometimes like to zone out a little, maybe even imagine scenarios or conversations in my head. In short I enjoy daydreaming. I have always felt like doing so allows me to have my own perspective on the world around me.
The problem of course is that life in general doesn't always allow it. If I am walking down the road in my own bubble and so much as a car comes past, or someone wearing perfume my train of thought can be completely ruined and I feel like I have to start again.
How does one find a way to live like this?
I find that the more stressful life is, the more I retreat into my fantasy version of life. I didn't realise that other people did this. I mostly do it lying on my bed but also walking or on public transport. It can be very jarring to be interrupted, especially by people wanting to talk.
I'm aware now that the more I do it, the more depressed I get so I am starting to notice and force myself to stop if I'm spending more time in my head than in the world.
Reading helps me as I guess it's similar in that I'm living a different life but via the book, but without the negative side effect of now having a fantasy version of my life where everything is better.
I really relate to this - during one of the worst times of my life, I genuinely had a fantasy character that would "follow me around" (not a hallucination - I knew they weren't there, but I imagined they were). I thought it was reassuring, but I found I was just missing out on more, spending more time alone, and feeling depressed that life wasn't as simple as it was in my fantasy world.
Reading definitely helps. I've also tried creative writing as an outlet and found that really helps.