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Needing some advice please

tony

My 15 year old daughter has had a real love of Gary barlow for some months now and it has been ticking along fine as she has gathered her collection of dvd's, books and cd's but because of the problems she has she doesnt really have an understanding of the real world. Tonight she was talking about things she would like for christmas and one of them was to meet gary barlow and have her picture taken, also to audition for the x factor, amongst other things, these are her dreams she says. She had a real go at me tonight for telling her that although its nice to have dreams, these things arent always practical and may not always come true, and now i am a bad dad cos i dont understand her world. This is the first time i have ever been stuck for help as i dont know what to tell her as she feels nobody understands her and that we are all being unfair. This obsession is really getting out of hand and her grasp of reality is practically non existant, her understanding seems to be getting worse over the months as there have been issues in school too. Anyone have any advice that might help?

Parents

  • hi Tony - obsessions can be difficult.  There are things my son wants that are linked to a couple of obsessions, altho those obsessions aren't out of control+ I hope they won't get to be as time moves on.  I find the worst thing to do with my son is to give him the truth of the matter as it comes as a shock + will upset him.  Even when I know something can't be achieved I always let him down slowly.  So if he wants something I say I'll try to get it for him, but that I need to see if I can find it, then I tell him later I haven't found it yet + so it goes on.  This is because if I can help him then I will, but life being what it is, sometimes we can't deliver.  This is to safeguard his feelings + allow him time to adjust.  He never forgets what he wanted but there is a period of less expectation which develops over time, altho he'll still ask on occasion.  Is there a way you can help your daughter to work towards achieving her dreams about GB?  Cd you both go to a concert, letting her know when the nxt one is?  Wd it help her if she understood she had to put in personal effort, have singing lessons or whatever before she cd even be considered for the x factor?  Or wd this strengthen the obsessions more?  Sorry if you've considered all this.

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  • hi Tony - obsessions can be difficult.  There are things my son wants that are linked to a couple of obsessions, altho those obsessions aren't out of control+ I hope they won't get to be as time moves on.  I find the worst thing to do with my son is to give him the truth of the matter as it comes as a shock + will upset him.  Even when I know something can't be achieved I always let him down slowly.  So if he wants something I say I'll try to get it for him, but that I need to see if I can find it, then I tell him later I haven't found it yet + so it goes on.  This is because if I can help him then I will, but life being what it is, sometimes we can't deliver.  This is to safeguard his feelings + allow him time to adjust.  He never forgets what he wanted but there is a period of less expectation which develops over time, altho he'll still ask on occasion.  Is there a way you can help your daughter to work towards achieving her dreams about GB?  Cd you both go to a concert, letting her know when the nxt one is?  Wd it help her if she understood she had to put in personal effort, have singing lessons or whatever before she cd even be considered for the x factor?  Or wd this strengthen the obsessions more?  Sorry if you've considered all this.

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