Published on 12, July, 2020
Yesterday at work a colleague reversed into my car. I didn't see it happen but I saw him get out of his car and check the back of both cars. He then came in and went back outside with another colleague and he looked at the back of both cars. I can see this from my office window - they obviously did not think I could see. I was furiously waiting for an explanation. They came back in and the one responsible for hitting my car 'thanked' the other one and they both got on with their day. I was so angry. I've bumped into somebody else's car in the past before, and even with no mark, I'd still tell and apologise to the owner.
As the day went on the likelihood of an explanation and/or an apology decreased and so did my confidence - did he really hit my car then? Self-doubt started creeping in and I couldn't go out to my car to check because I didn't want to bring unnecessary attention to the situation. So at the end of the day I was last out and could check my bumper. The dirt on the back had been smudged by fingers and there were fresh cracks in the paint work. He HAD hit my car. It played on my mind all night.
This morning am I going to check cctv but I don't have access to it - I'll have to ask another colleague to show me it on their computer. It's an open plan office so it'll be obvious as to what I'm looking for. When I see the evidence what do I do? The situation is made worse by the fact my bumper is already cracked so badly underneath that I wouldn't get it repaired anyway - it probably needs replacing. (My car is bright yellow and I've never owned a car that's been hit by so many other people. 2 have gone into the back of me previously and I've already had it repaired! It's yellow! How can you not see me??).
I am 99% sure, even with evidence, he'll lie about it and I'll be forced into a public confrontation. I hate dishonesty. If he'd have told me yesterday I'd have thanked him for telling me and told him not to worry.
I don't need this on top of my already stressful job. I am correct to pursue this aren't I?
FINAL CONCLUSION:
So he just went to leave early and I had no choice but to follow him out, I caught up with him just outside the office doors - not sure if anyone could hear, don't really care. I asked him if he had anything to tell me and he said "your car". Here are some of the things he said:
I said I wasn't looking for an apology now so don't care, I don't want your money, all I wanted was for you to tell me at the time. I said I was disappointed in the way he acted, that he felt he couldn't come to me. He concentrated a lot on the damage and refused to really talk about why he didn't tell me. 3 times I tried to end the conversation and tried to walk away but he kept talking - I don't know why? It was very obvious I'd heard enough of his bull. He kept talking about money and damage. So I just had to repeat I don't want his money, nor his apology now, it was too late - he should have done the right thing.
I've found out the other person involved was the one who found his car resting against mine - why didn't he tell both of us?
Oh and at the end he said thanks for coming to me about this. The hell does that even mean?? I walked away confused... He'd also come into my office and offered to make me a drink this morning, so he had plenty of chance to remember he'd hit my car last Thursday!
I have the feeling I was the one who felt more uncomfortable though but I did tell him other people were aware of the incident and the fact he didn't tell me. So even if he still thinks he got away with it, because let's face it he did, he should at least feel sheepish the next time he's in the office with everybody knowing what's happened.
I think you've handled this well and the confusion above is because he's responding in a way that would 'work' on an NT.
You probably should have taken the money to pay for repairs - it would restore your pride and joy to its previous glory and (weirdly) would have made the other party feel better.
By not accepting an apology or money you have put them at a disadvantage as they'll feel they 'owe you'... hence the offer to make you a drink, they're trying to 'redress the balance' and regain 'face'.