an NT asking autistics what THEY want from us.....

Goatworshiper said:

I havnt got a diagnosis. But I wish people would confront me at work if I do something wrong rather than go to someone higher in command, If people go to a superviser I tend to get really frustrated as I dont like sly people.

I wish people would just be truthful. I can't do all of this unspoken stuff.

I wish people would be rational and not hysterical.

Don't space invade.

i understand that, must be frustrating all the 'behind your back' stuff that goes on in neurotypicals lives, frustrates some of us nts too

ahh the 'rational not hysterical' issue,

i have this once a month with my partner (you can guess why us females have hormones you know )

i want to say this tho, what autistics seem as 'irrational/hysterical SOMETIMES is just emotional, which i understand as yous dont think very emotional can seem that way, but its not always the case

its difficult for both sides on this, it does feel, from my perspective at least, that as autism leads to more logical and less emotional thinking, emotional thinking that us nts have is often seen as 'irrational, its not, its just different, same as your thinking is

try to take our 'emotional/irational' side for what it is, its just the way we think, same as you think logical , they can clash a lot and i think thats the real problem

neither side is 'wrong' in their thinking

i dont think people mean to invade space, but i have noticed a recent (in the last few years) trend to be more touchy with strangers, hopefully the peopel you know well know to not invade your space but you will probably have to deal with a lot of strangers doing it

tho if you try to make it clear you have autism and basically dont like being touched, they wil probably remember that (tho its obviously tricky as it can lead to them judging you on that, its not an easy issue)

I havnt got a diagnosis. But I wish people would confront me at work if I do something wrong rather than go to someone higher in command, If people go to a superviser I tend to get really frustrated as I dont like sly people.

I wish people would just be truthful. I can't do all of this unspoken stuff.

I wish people would be rational and not hysterical.

Don't space invade.

Hope said:

KaloJaro: Have you ever considered getting a bus pass? If you are on any form of DLA you can apply for one, and it is a very simple form. You can get the form from your local council. The pass is valid for up to three years and can then be renewed. I have a bus pass and it has proved invaluable, particularly because I also have a travel and money phobia, so it allows me to have control over my life and when I travel. You can also get a disability card for rail travel, which offers you a sizable discount.

You either have to be refused a driving licence on the grounds of fitness to drive for reasons other than drugs or alcohol, or receive high rate mobility DLA to qualify.

Hope said:

Regarding the thread question: People without autism should adjust their expectations of what they consider socially inappropriate behaviour.

Of course the opposite can be the case too, and if a person is feeling anxious and wants to be on their own, this should be perfectly acceptable, no questions asked.

People with AS, like myself, may take longer to learn a task and make more mistakes at first, but we will get there eventually, our learning can just be a bit different. It often helps if things are written down to avoid information overload.

And don't patronize us or treat us like children, just understand that we might need a bit more support in order to function, but we do value our independence and many of us do not like things being done for us that we can happily do ourselves. But we do often require a helping hand and reassurance. It is very important that we are consulted as to what support we need so that we are in control at all times.

nts adjust their expectations- yip, soceity is really closed minded isnt it, if you dont 'adhere to the norm' it looks down upon you, so yes it would be nice if it would adapt a bit so that people with 'non normal' qualites could 'fit in' rather than be outcasted

a person on their own is acceptable- i highlighted this part as i think this is the part that doesnt happen most, in general nts do talk to people at parties, but they will also think 'that guys a weirdo' of the person who is sitting on their own and doesnt seem to want to talk,  i think thats the real problem, the judgments about that, as you said it should be aceptable that people, even at a party, may want to be alone sometimes

autistic learning is just diffrent- as temple grandin said "different, not less", there is nothing wrong in a personlearning differently to 'most people', we all learn our own way, and that should be acceptable rather than something we judge and try to change

reassurance-yes it would be nice if society would say 'well done on that you did brilliantly, i have a few things you could try tho that might make it easier  rather than 'you did that wrong, whats wrong with you, do it right'

your point about the pus pass is brill, it is a good way to get about without too much hassle, you buy it once and it lasts for a week/month there are even some i think that can last a year, tho im not sure about that , and you are saying 3 years, if that is so, thats really good, something you dont need to worry about in daily life for ages

KaloJaro said:

More awareness about the Autistic SPECTRUM: 90% of all reports, articles and tv shows are about the negative side of autism. How autistic people hate their lives, how they can never fit in, how only people with severe autism should get disabilty allowances etc etc.

All in all, the only time I've seen Aspergers in the news is when reporters decide it 'fits the profile' of young people who've commited either horrific or hacker crimes.

People hear 'autism' and think Rainman, or don't know what it is at all. More education on the matter will make people more accepting and will help people get diagnosed younger.

Travel Funding: I can 'blend in' enough to be considered slightly weird, but I still need help. If I were to be given an 'allowance' of sorts that would cover travel costs, I'd feel more inclined to go out and socialise with friends (go to the cinema or even meet them somewhere I know), but as it is, all my money (not a lot) goes towards everyday neccessities, leaving me with only a £5 (if I'm lucky) to go 'out'. Take out the travel costs....what can I do for £3.20? Its not worth the bother of going outside anymore to be honest.

I'm afraid society won't change for us. As far as they're concerned, we're either excess baggage they have to fund through their taxes or a group of people to be pitied. If there was one thing society could ever do, it would be to acknowledge that people with autism are valuble, as members of families, of the community and in business. Sadly, this isn't the case.

society things everyone's excess baggage so don't bother about that 

you make some brilliant points,

awarness-i think about mental illness and the 'awarness' they put on that for a while, autism deserves the same (as do most of these 'hidden disabilites' that are judged)

education on the matter- people knowing what it is rather than assuming (as i did ) they mean 'rainman' or only children who dont speak and sit in a corner rocking etc, so knowing that there are more levels of autism than that, and this info can help diagnoses

travel funding- it could be an incentive to go out rather than the factual view of, i have no money and no reason to go out so thers no point, same with more autistic 'entertainments' ie places to go, things to do, if there were more autistic friendly places/things, you would probbaly want to go out and socialise more rather than nt friendly entertainment/places that you dont enjoy or get stressed/frustrated/confused by

KaloJaro: Have you ever considered getting a bus pass? If you are on any form of DLA you can apply for one, and it is a very simple form. You can get the form from your local council. The pass is valid for up to three years and can then be renewed. I have a bus pass and it has proved invaluable, particularly because I also have a travel and money phobia, so it allows me to have control over my life and when I travel. You can also get a disability card for rail travel, which offers you a sizable discount.

Regarding the thread question: People without autism should adjust their expectations of what they consider socially inappropriate behaviour. No-one should be expected to make eye-contact, for example. 'Neurotypicals' should try and include people who find social situations difficult, by taking the initiative and talking to the person, who just because they themselves are not actively going up to people, does not always mean they are happy on their own!. Of course the opposite can be the case too, and if a person is feeling anxious and wants to be on their own, this should be perfectly acceptable, no questions asked.

People with AS, like myself, may take longer to learn a task and make more mistakes at first, but we will get there eventually, our learning can just be a bit different. It often helps if things are written down to avoid information overload. And don't patronize us or treat us like children, just understand that we might need a bit more support in order to function, but we do value our independence and many of us do not like things being done for us that we can happily do ourselves. But we do often require a helping hand and reassurance. It is very important that we are consulted as to what support we need so that we are in control at all times.

More awareness about the Autistic SPECTRUM: 90% of all reports, articles and tv shows are about the negative side of autism. How autistic people hate their lives, how they can never fit in, how only people with severe autism should get disabilty allowances etc etc.

All in all, the only time I've seen Aspergers in the news is when reporters decide it 'fits the profile' of young people who've commited either horrific or hacker crimes.

People hear 'autism' and think Rainman, or don't know what it is at all. More education on the matter will make people more accepting and will help people get diagnosed younger.

Travel Funding: I can 'blend in' enough to be considered slightly weird, but I still need help. If I were to be given an 'allowance' of sorts that would cover travel costs, I'd feel more inclined to go out and socialise with friends (go to the cinema or even meet them somewhere I know), but as it is, all my money (not a lot) goes towards everyday neccessities, leaving me with only a £5 (if I'm lucky) to go 'out'. Take out the travel costs....what can I do for £3.20? Its not worth the bother of going outside anymore to be honest. :(

I'm afraid society won't change for us. As far as they're concerned, we're either excess baggage they have to fund through their taxes or a group of people to be pitied. If there was one thing society could ever do, it would be to acknowledge that people with autism are valuble, as members of families, of the community and in business. Sadly, this isn't the case. :(