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Advice please daughter no 2

Justfour

Hi all, some of you may have helped me already with advice about my 11 year old. 

Ive been talking to someone who's been training about ASD and she thinks it's possible my other daughter may be on the spectrum too! I really can't see it and would love some advice for anyone who might have some idea. 

My other daughter is 13. She has always had behaviour issues such as defiance and flare ups of temper. This has got worse since age ten (she hit puberty at 12 so not sure if hormones are to blame for her behaviour getting worse). I'll tell u what her main issues are and let me know what you think.

From a toddler she has been difficult. She didn'tspeak properly till 3 but understood very well.  If I said something like don't touch the wall, it's wet with paint she would HAVE to touch it. She has meltdowns where there is no reasoning with her till she's over it. Positive praise, ignoring, taking away favorite things, nothing changes her behaviour. She does have obsessions but one month it will be a certain band then next it's a sports team, during this time she wants her room decorated with posters bedding, googles all about them and talks about them a lot.She hasn't had many friends, she went through primary with one main friend, she now has moved away and here we are 5 weeks into the summer holidays and she hasn't been out with one friend. She gets on ok with my friends kids when they are together. If she gets an idea in her head it's got to be done now! Then if I say no, explain why, doesn't matter, she hears no and boom! Another meltdown as if it's the first time I've ever said no to her. During meltdowns she will say she wants me to die and how she would like it to haPpen! If I ignore her and walk awayshe will follow me around being abusive to get a reaction. 

She can be such a caring loving girl. She's very sensitive and has a great sense humour. But even after a lovely day out she can still explode forvirtually no reason. When she was ten I came across a checklist for ODD(obedient defiance disorder) she ticked every box. Could it be this?

The girls father is very similar to this. So I assumed she just took after him, if anyone has any thoughts I would love to hear them, not sure what to think now. Thanks

Parents

  • ''Challenge all inappropriate behaviours''. What behaviours would they be?.

    ''Treat her 95% able and 5 % autistic''. This makes no sense - if you are autistic, you are autistic right the way through. You have your own individual personality, preferences and unique way of doing things, but to not make allowances for behaviour which has its roots in the autism is unrealistic, and could even be damaging and traumatic for the person with autism.

    ''Less autistic''. There is no such thing - you cannot cure autism, and 'less autistic' is simply a relativistic expression which simply fails to understand that the person is still  autistic but has developed layer upon layer of coping strategies, and all they do is to mask the autism and do not make in in reality 'milder'.

    ''Banned dvds''. Why ban them? They give her pleasure. I was obsessed with Kate Winslet films at this age, but they were never banned. They gave my live meaning and purpose. Would you like it if we banned what makes you happy?

     

Reply

  • ''Challenge all inappropriate behaviours''. What behaviours would they be?.

    ''Treat her 95% able and 5 % autistic''. This makes no sense - if you are autistic, you are autistic right the way through. You have your own individual personality, preferences and unique way of doing things, but to not make allowances for behaviour which has its roots in the autism is unrealistic, and could even be damaging and traumatic for the person with autism.

    ''Less autistic''. There is no such thing - you cannot cure autism, and 'less autistic' is simply a relativistic expression which simply fails to understand that the person is still  autistic but has developed layer upon layer of coping strategies, and all they do is to mask the autism and do not make in in reality 'milder'.

    ''Banned dvds''. Why ban them? They give her pleasure. I was obsessed with Kate Winslet films at this age, but they were never banned. They gave my live meaning and purpose. Would you like it if we banned what makes you happy?

     

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