hi

hi - how much does your little boy actually understand?  He may not appreciate the need to deal with his little brother.  He may want all the attention and be unhappy about his routine being disrupted.  Without knowing his "level" of understanding it's difficult to give advice.   I only had the 1 child so was never in your position.  However, my son would get upset and still does if someone takes up too much of my time when he thinks it's his time with me, altho he can put up with it for longer before he starts to get fed up!  Are there things your son likes doing by himself?  You cd have a picture board or daily timetable that showed when he had time for himself, say in his bedroom for a specific time.  If he understood this, then that cd be the time you spent with your younger one.  I know life isn't that simple as the needs and wants of young children aren't predictable.  Do you get any help from anywhere? What provision has the school made for your child's autism? Are you satisfied with what they've offered?  It's important that he has a school where they understand and can provide for his needs.  About your move.  Do you think this would upset your child?  My son never got upset with moving, but he was 9 when we 1st moved.  As long as he was well prepared in advance and he knew why.  That may prove difficult with a 4 yr old with autism.  If he can understand some things then he might take to having a bedroom by himself where he can do his own thing without being disturbed.  At the very least, 1 visit to your new home in advance of moving would be helpful, in my opinion.  I can't emphasise enough how much this advice  relies on him being able to at least understand some of it, whether verbally or with the aid of pictures.  I wd also be inclined to recreate his present bedroom in the new house so that when he moves and goes upstairs his bedroom is very familiar.  He could be involved in the move so he would understand how it had happened.  Wish I could be of more help.   bw.

donnasamuel said:

Thanks for your kind words, yes life can be and is at times really tough and challenging, I quite often have both boys fightin for my attention, fun bit will be when "s" starts school it will be new school etc etc etc, We are in the situation where we live in a 2 bed council house and we been told the boys can't share rooms so we will have to move! I want to find out a way to get "s" to understand when I dealin with his brother and I say no or don't do that he understands, any ideas? Have you got autism or child with it?

you know i think tho moving will be a stressful thing for all of you, these things are usually for the best , if the change will (eventually) help him and his autism and help you all as well

i dont have kids no, my partner has aspergers, i find it a bit wierd being one of the rare ones on here this place, as most are, is filled with people with kids needing help, theres not a lot of options for adults with adult autistic partners

so im not that great to go to for advice for how to deal with autism in kids and the issues raised, but, im here for when people want a vent or i need one  and offer general advice on what i can

 having young kids is something i know nothing about at all never mind young kids with autism, but i know a lot about stress so i can help with ways to feel better about how these things affect you etc

Thanks for your kind words, yes life can be and is at times really tough and challenging, I quite often have both boys fightin for my attention, fun bit will be when "s" starts school it will be new school etc etc etc, We are in the situation where we live in a 2 bed council house and we been told the boys can't share rooms so we will have to move! I want to find out a way to get "s" to understand when I dealin with his brother and I say no or don't do that he understands, any ideas? Have you got autism or child with it?

hi Donnasamuel - I remember when my son was diagnosed a few months before his 3rd birthday.   Even if you're expecting it, it can still be a shock, getting it confirmed.  Remember waiting with him at the bus stop and all I cd see was the autism - not the person with autism. It's like everything has changed and you have to readjust.  To do that you need to learn about autism and also take appropriate help on offer, eg: school, social services etc.  The more you understand about how autism affects your child as an individual with his own personality, the more you understand how important you are in that you can help him enormously.  You are the constant factor in his life - the fixture.  Whilst emotions are difficult for people with autism, don't underestimate your importance to your child.  Mine's an adult now, but he still needs his mum!

hey there donnasamuel, i know that feeling (needing to sound off) its one of the main reasons i joined this site, you need to be able to do that, so go right ahead, you might not get replies right away but eventually someone says 'oh god i know that feeling' 

i cant imagine what its like with a 4 year old with autism and a 7month old but if you feel like you need to talk or get some advice thats what we are here for