Published on 12, July, 2020
So, I managed to get along to the much anticipated monthly Aspergers/HFASD social group in my town this evening. The group itself was not really for me to be honest, largely due the the fact that I was the only female there. I don't of course have any issue with men it's just that men and women relate to each other in different ways and it would have been nice if the group had had a few other women that I could talk with. However, while I was there, one of the support workers who works there popped her head in the room an hour into the meeting and asked if she could have a chat with me in another room. She said that when woman do turn up to the group she had been asking them if they have considered starting up a facebook group for women with Aspergers/ASD in the local area with a view to facilitate social meet ups, as this was a much needed service as many women, like myself didn't feel that the 'official' social group was their cup of tea. She'd had no joy prior to me but I was happily able to say, well actually I have been planning to do exactly that and already have half of the planning for it done on my laptop. I'm so excited that I've decided to bite the bullet and get the group up and running tonight and tomorrow as not only will this create a useful resource for myself but it is clearly a much needed resource for other omen with Aspergers/ASD in my area. It was such a happy coincidence to have met that support worker this evening and it really gave me a lot more motivation and encouragement to just ignore my fears and just go for it with regards setting up the online group. A productive evening!
That’s great news Kitsun. It’s funny though, because even though I’m female, I wouldn’t go to a group with only women and while I have started to talk to the women at my group, I always sit with the guys and I’ve only ever met with the guys outside of the meeting. I’ve rarely had female friends as I don’t relate to women in the same way as I do men. I make friends easily with men but I don’t really have much time for women.
But I'm thrilled for you. One of the things I love about my group is that we go out once a month for something to eat and we’re kind of starting with monthly activities as well although I love our weekly group as well. It sounds like you’ll set up a similar thing for you and your new friends ~ I know you’ll attract them. Just stick with it,if it feels a bit slow at first, not that it will but if it does, give it time.
The great thing is though that you faced your fears and that means, you can do that again, when needs be.
Best wishes to your new group. That’s one more opening for autistic people to get together :)
Usually I do find men easier and less complicated than women but I don't have any difficulty talking with Aspie/Autistic women. I used to have a lot of male friends when I was in my late teens and early 20's, as I do generally find men easier to get on with, but they always used to get the wrong idea and start trying it on with me so I decided to just stick to being friends with women. I think unfortunately when I'm friends with guys, I manage to unintentionally give the impression that I fancy them, when I don't. So I figured that it was less hassle to stop making male friends.
I think another reason that the group made me feel a bit out of my comfort zone was that I can be a bit uptight but if I'm truely honest with myself, the way some of the guys were being, a bit loud and a bit inappropriate, I have that side to me too, I just try to keep a lid on it, I guess maybe I'm worried that if I were to start attending the group each month that it might unleash the beast within, so to speak!
The good news is that my own facebook group for women in my area went live today, I already have a few members and my vision for this group is that it can be used as a platform for members to get together socially as well as chat online. So I'm going to start trying to arrange get togethers that people can attend if they wish once a month/fortnight, depending on people's needs and response. I'm feeling really positive about it all :-)
How's your group going?
Few men or women would dare to try it on with me. I would knock you out for just trying to pay me a compliment. My friend, who was a real fighter, used to go crazy at me saying I was gonna get him and the boys beat up because of how aggressive I was towards people. And because I was in a gang, if anyone ever came near me, they (the boys) would crowd round me, and it's like you had to speak to them to get to me. And if people weren't scared of me and my boys, they were scared of my ex. He's a gangster and if you tried to go out with me, ever, he would beat you up and put you in hospital or worse! Apparently, it's a thing! So I don't have that problem. If anything, men are scared of me and like I said, if not me, then my ex, because everybody round here knows him, he was on a tv program called Britains most wanted, enough times and people round here, like that kind of thing. And wherever I go actually, I think I give off a don't try and be nice to me vibe! Lol! And I just don't pick up on the signs, ever! As far as I know, I've never even been chatted up in my life, but strangely enough, everyone, including my sister, thinks I'm a man magnet! I think, are they mad! Where do they get their ideas from. But maybe because I don't look for it either. I'm one of those weird people who loves being by myself so have never been interested in a relationship, so I guess that's why I wouldn't recognise it either.
But that's fabulous about your group. I love it and knew it would be a success but not so quick! Well done. You sensed a need and one that you could fill
I know what you mean about unleashing the beast within though. Even though I was a drug addict and not an alcoholic, I couldn't attend NA (narcotics anonymous) meetings, because all I ever wanted to do was be off with the guys, getting up to some mischief or just hanging out, because all I had been used to, for all my life, was being the only girl in a boy gang and I was always totally protected by them and they were all I knew. So instead, I had to get clean in AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) and their program is more appropriate for me as it's much stricter. And there are fewer of my type of boys for me to cling to.
Since I started my course, I haven't been to my group. It's a classic case of autism obsession, which I'm learning to navigate and I'm going to force myself to go to my group tomorrow, because I need to.
I love the idea of the Facebook group. Sadly, that wasn't received too well at my group but that group is what it is, and I love it for what it is. It's been perfect for me.
And as for my own group. That will happen when it happens. I'm only just coming out of burnout and not even out of it and already I'm looking up flights. I don't know where to go first and I thought I was going to stay around here for a while! So I can't make any plans for my group because I don't know where I'll be living. I'm kind of itching to get back to Bali, so I might settle for a quick break there then get back here and finish what I started, but I don't think I will. I think I'd like to at least get out of burn out! Bingo! There it is!!! Thank you! Of course I need to be well out of burnout before I jump on a plane. Thank you. And the very best wishes for your group, not that you need them, it's going wonderfully well already. I hope your super proud of yourself X
Sort of although never do things just happen and always do they happen because of choices we have already made. We live in a world of cause and effect. Everything that happens has a cause. So you can make the best of things or you can find the cause and change things at that level so they never happen again and then commit to creating only good things in your life. But certainly we must accept things as they are otherwise we are arguing with reality but we can still change the future.