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dealing with brother too

Ettie

My youngest son has just been diasgnosed with Aspergers alongside dyspraxia, adhd and sensory seeking. He's a gorgeous boys and we love him to bits but he does lash out at his brother. Our oldest son is only six and therefore has difficulty understanding why his brother does this to him with no provocation. We have bought 'My Brother is Different' to read to him but it doesn't really talk about a boy like ours who is very articulate and chatty. Can anyone recommend a story that might help our eldest son recognise and understand that his brother is different, special and needs our support?

  • In fact, words that appear to mean the same thing often have subtle differences in qualitative meaning. 'Special' does not mean the same thing as 'different', and neither does it mean 'unique'

  • Particular, different, special, unique, abnormal?

    They all mean essentially the same thing, Hope.

  • Thanks for clarifying Ettie. I really don't want to upset anyone, just don't always know how to get things across tactfully, as I hope you understand. I think I just interpreted your post to mean you call your son with AS 'special' while the other one is not called this, but now I see you meant your kid without AS is 'special' too. And I agree: we are all 'special'. I  just don't like the word 'special needs', but am not sure what we could replace this term with?

  • Hi Hope,

    Both of my sons are incredibly special to me, that goes without saying and the fact that I am trying to find books to help the oldest son comes to terms with it shows how much I want to support him as well. I know you said you don't want to cause offence, however, at a difficult time in our lives I was quite taken aback by your comments. I'm trying to do my best and as a teacher have used the word 'special' as a positive move to show how we are accomodating children with special needs in order to allow them reach their full potential, succeed and be happy. Whilst I agree we don't all have to get along - both my husband and I are incredibly cloe to our siblings and we hope for this relationship between our sons too because in times of crisis, having a strong family bond is amazing and something I cherish very much. We hope that our sons can have that strength of bond too and understanding and supporting each other is at the heart of developing this.

     

    I am sorry you found the term 'special' patronizing but I shall continue to call both my sons special because I mean it in a positive and loving way. If you do know of any useful books to help us at this time, we'd love to know, thank you.

  • All people/children/adults are 'special', not just people with Asperger's syndrome. I have Asperger's myself. I am not 'special', just different from people who don't have my issues. We are all different. Even people with AS are very different to each other, which I keep on noticing more and more every day. We don't all get along just because we have AS, we are not some tribe which is 'special', and we don't need to be pitied either. Both your sons need support. In many ways, your eldest needs  support because he might begin to feel insecure or left out if he thinks that more attention is going to his so called 'special' brother.

    I don't want to cause offence, it is just that, as someone with Aspergers myself, I do not like the word 'special', which I think has a patronizing aspect.