Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm stepping through the door
And I'm floating in a most peculiar way
And the stars look very different today...
It's nice up here. No one around. Just me and Astro-cat.
I thought I'd drop in with a few words before I lose radio contact. Things are okay. Take-off on New Year's Day was a bit turbulent. But once I shook off the earth's gravitational pull, things began to feel better.
Day 13 without any form of mind-altering substances - except caffeine. At last, I'm beginning to get some clarity. I'm between planets job-wise - but I can see the light of the new one, twinkling in the near-distance ahead.
I went for a little space-walk yesterday, and what did I happen to see floating by? A DVD, long-lost from someone else's ship. It was one I'd been meaning to watch for many years, too, but never had. So I went back in and settled down with it...
The Hurricane stars Denzel Washington - my all-time favourite actor. It's based on the life of Rubin 'The Hurricane' Carter, the black American-Canadian middle-weight boxer who was wrongly-convicted in the '60s of a triple homicide and sentenced to three life sentences. The original trial was a travesty of justice, blighted by racial prejudice and police corruption. Many knew of his innocence, but said nothing, or told lies. It was a cause célèbre at the time. Prominent people fought his corner over the injustice. Muhammad Ali. Ellen Burstyn. Bob Dylan wrote a famous song, Hurricane, about the case. Rubin took on a different fight in prison. Knowing himself to be innocent, he refused to wear prison clothes, to take jobs, to eat with other prisoners. At night, he stayed awake in thought while the others slept. He kept to his cell. He took up reading, absorbing the classics of literature - especially the literature of struggle. W E DuBois. Frederick Douglass. Richard Wright. James Baldwin. Booker T Washington. He read Zola, Dostoevsky, Tolstoy. He read spiritual works, too - including Jiddu Krishnamurti's The Awakening of Intelligence. He had an awakening of his own. He found a sense of stoicism and a certain peace that enabled him to bear his incarceration. He 'escaped' his physical prison through the medium of his mind. He wrote his autobiography, too, on a manual typewriter he had in his cell. The Sixteenth Round was published in 1975 and remains in print. He served almost 20 years before the sentence was finally overturned in 1985, following the disclosure of fresh evidence that proved the corruption. Upon his release, he devoted himself to the cause of the wrongly-convicted. In 1993, he was awarded an honorary championship title belt from the World Boxing Council. It's an uplifting film. A timeless story of courage in adversity, and eventual triumph against the odds. A story of survival, and of hope. The moral is clear and simple: when you know truth is on your side, don't give up the fight for it. Persevere. A worthwhile thing for me to bear in mind right now.
So, 2019...
I'm 60 in May. The last two decades haven't been the easiest. But they've enabled me to find out many things about myself - not least of which has been the secret I've had inside me all of my life without even knowing about it myself until 4 years ago. My autism. Since that diagnosis, I've had an ambivalent attitude to it. Mostly I've seen it as my gift. Other times, such as more recently, I've seen it as my burden.
I'm back to seeing it as my gift. Maybe the changes that have happened recently have enabled me to see the light in it. I'll try my best to keep it shining now. I want to get back to doing some writing, which I've been putting off for far too long. Some reading, too. I want to see what other secrets I can discover.
A new decade of my life. A new job. And maybe a new insight.
Meantime....
Here am I floating in my tin can
Far above the world.
Planet Earth is blue
And I've so much left to do...
Farewell for now, my friends. Go well on your own trips. And thank you for your support and friendship.
Love,
Tom xx
I'm continuing with my bulk DVD viewing.
The newer series has actual plots and deep complicated storylines.
Although they still have girls in shiny outfits. In this subplot involving the first cylon. The chief scientist goes on internet dating sites where he can interact as an avatar with others in virtual reality.
The cylon also connects with VR via wi-fi and dates the guy.
The avatar. And
Her true appearance. Note the shiny outfit.
In VR the cylon confesses that her avatar is not her true appearance. But the guy assures her that he loves her for her brain. And physical appearances don't matter.
When he finally discovers the truth and meets his girlfriend in the flesh.
It's all violence and blood and guts being spilled.
Disambiguating Cynosure said:. I am never getting rid of my account, because the future is uncertain to myself and this Forum has provided myself with safe (safer) interaction, y'know.)
YES! x
..."AGAIN"!
Robert124 said:Good luck and if you leave I will miss you because you're one of the more sensible down to earth people here.
Of Martian Tom.
(A lot of folk speaking of leaving just now. A lot of folk promising to join, though. But I can only wait and see. I am never getting rid of my account, because the future is uncertain to myself and this Forum has provided myself with safe (safer) interaction, y'know.)
“...My bottom line is (...um, covered by my underwear, but apart from THAT...)...”.
So nice to see you DC, as always your ability’s to lift my spirits and give me much joy are as always welcomed.
Take care please, I read your other post, One day,,ok
just to say , I and many others miss you so much,,, (x)
Good fortune to you.
Glad Tidings to Mr.Tom, and as always of course, to Miss Daisy also.
I am glad to catch this Thread before you, um, delete (again)... I saw this yesterday but was not really able to Post (again).
I say (again) that you, Sir, may leave, take time off, but you need not delete your account (again). There are plenty of others who leave off for a long time, Months or Years, then come back (again)... There are others who do not post for days and/or just restrict their times of Posting. Of these, I cite myself at least, as you may know, I usually only post at nights (...so that I can howl at the Moon sometimes. :-) ...). (Again!) During such times, I think about this Forum, and may look, but I do not Post.
...My bottom line is (...um, covered by my underwear, but apart from THAT...)... Please DO take time off from here as you feel, but there is no need to delete your account. (Again.)
In closing... I guess this is not a good time to ask you to ask NAS to 'recombine' your deleted account with your current one? As far as I see, you Sir, are the first to do this (delete an account yet return and have two identities running and so be able to reply to yourself). I close in saying -again! - that you may leave - even for years - but not have to delete your account!
Whatever you do, Thank You for being here, and Good Fortune. (Again and Again.) I cannot really say more than that just now. Again...
Never said I didn’t like you Tom.
thank you for best wishes. x
Good luck and if you leave I will miss you because you're one of the more sensible down to earth people here.
Thanks, Lonewarrior. I don't think, somehow, that I'll be returning. I've asked for my account to be deleted, and this time I intend to keep it so. My planet is coming into sight, and once I touch down there I'll probably destroy my ship and settle back to being alone. It's my most natural state. I've come and gone from here before, and I've most usually gone feeling like I'm under some sort of cloud. A cloud of my own making, most likely. I'm very black-and-white with my feelings, and my regard for others. I've been wronged in my life and I do my best now to forgive those who've wronged me and put it behind me. I bear no malice or ill-will, for instance, to the woman at my place of work who has made my life so difficult in recent times. I have ample opportunity to get my own back on her, if I so wish. But that solves nothing. If anything, it simply compounds the misery. I have to accept that she has her problems, too. She has her reasons for being as she is. She is now, as I understand, making things very difficult for someone else - someone who really doesn't deserve to be treated badly. Well... as long as she can live with herself. I cannot change anything about that situation. I cannot do anything to get her to understand the upset she is causing. Maybe she'll find her own truth, given time. I only know that I can forgive her - but I have to walk away. I never want to see her again. I can forgive - but I can't forget. Some will regard that as a fault. Perhaps it is. But it's how I am.
Maybe if I'm truly a victim at all, I'm a victim of my own 'victim mentality'. I need to find a way past that. I need time and space to do it.
I return your good wishes. I'll get my strength back in time, and move onwards. But it will be elsewhere, I think. I hope beyond hope that the new direction I'm taking - the new job - will work out. If it doesn't... well... I'll deal with it when it happens. I want, eventually, to move away from this place where I've lived for my entire adult life. Go somewhere where no one knows me. Somewhere where I can put down different roots, and try to start again. A little late in life - but better late than never. True, I shall take myself with me, and I really need to get over myself first. But a physical move could be a good start.
Daisy will keep me going! She looks after me as I look after her. Perhaps that's what I should do. Surround myself with animals. Just maybe not the human kind! Not that I'm a misanthrope. I hold out hope for the essential goodness in humanity to triumph. I'll do my best to keep believing in it.
Take care.
No, only absolute truth sets us free.
Stated as an absolute, too, BlueRay - not a personal opinion. But I suppose if you believe in absolutes, then there isn't much room for personal opinion, or nuance. I personally don't hold with absolutes, and I'm sure we could have a lively discussion about the matter. But I don't have the energy or the psychological and emotional resources for such a discussion now. So we'll have to leave it there. We haven't always seen eye to eye, but I know - as others have also stated - that you are, at heart, a good, caring and loving person. I admire your self-belief, and your positivity that seems to know no bounds. I hope to have those qualities myself one day. I'll keep working. I'll find the truth, however long it takes me.
I wish you only what you would wish for everyone else: happiness, wellness, peace and light.
Take care
I'm not sure how you mean that, Ellie, but I would guess sarcastically. I certainly can't blame you for that, given some of the comments I've made elsewhere. I've now regretted them and edited or removed them. One of my many faults is that I react quickly, and often in a knee-jerk, dumb and spiteful way, to things said or done. Like BlueRay has said about herself, I often don't think before I speak - and maybe I'm just a little blunter than most. As you have said elsewhere, situations like this highlight how damaged and vulnerable we all are - and that damage and vulnerability expresses itself in all sorts of ways. I should have learned by now to dodge the punches and roll with the falls, but I clearly haven't. Which is why I need to go away alone and subject myself to some closer analysis. I'm no Buddhist, but I believe very much in the Buddhist view that we are all composed of these different, often conflicting beliefs, emotions and impulses. We can all be kind, understanding, compassionate, generous, empathetic. At the same time, we can also all be greedy, selfish, spiteful, angry and jealous. We can think good, and we can think ill. I try to understand and accept this. I try to right wrongs when I make them. Sometimes, when I think I'm actually on the verge of acceptance and enlightenment, I realise that I'm actually very far from those states. I'm still a work in progress. We all are, probably.
I know you don't particularly like me, and I can accept that. Goodness knows, I've given you plenty of reasons not to like me - though some of them, as I hope you can understand, have been unintentional. But we can't all be liked by everyone, can we. I've been a people-pleaser for much of my life, simply as a way of getting people to like me (which isn't to say that my efforts to help others haven't been genuine). I've never been able to make friends, and have never had anyone in my life (apart from, perhaps, partners) whom I'd really call a friend. I've never understood the mechanism of it. The fact that those partners have all left me eventually must prove something. So I've put myself out, often, to please others - which has usually ended up with me not pleasing the one person who really matters: myself. And simply getting people to like you isn't the same as making friends, anyway. I don't actively want people to dislike me. But I accept now that I cannot please everyone any longer. The people on this forum have come to mean a lot to me, in their various ways. But maybe I'm not really made to be a 'social' being in any real sense. Maybe I am best off alone - in that comfort zone that I've never been able to escape from. I really can't handle the challenges presented by other people - NT or otherwise. In that regard, I'm weak - I know that. I think it's why I prefer the company of the people in the line of work I've chosen to do: people with learning disabilities. People who can't help the way they are. People whose respect, if I earn it - which I generally do - is unconditional. The other thing is, I need to learn to like myself better before I can like anyone else. And I don't particularly like myself. No, I don't. Not now, anyway. Until I can learn to like myself, embrace myself - faults and all - I'm probably best off not being around others.
I wish you nothing but the best in your current situation. I'm sure, with the right support and the right people around you, you will come through it. I truly hope so.
Go well.
Then I apologise to you and anyone else who was offended.
Maybe time to consider your offer?
I didn’t see parady or humour in your words?
Consider me offended,
The younger members who aren’t aware of the programmes may also be offended,
take care, and play nicely now.
Calm down - it's supposed parody the styles of the era and the whole sci-fi genre - try imagining the production meetings of the time - you know, bunch of fat, middle-aged blokes all sat around the meeting room looking at rubbish spaceships and lame plots and trying to think how to boost ratings. In the 60s and 70s.
They obviously didn't put more money into better writing.
Seriously?
These programmes were of their era - the sets were wooden, the props were wooden, the spaceships were wooden and the actors were wooden. The only reason the target audience watched them was for the ladies.
You may think it's sexist - and yes, it was - but that was the whole point back then. It was a different time and it can be ridiculed for the ongoing themes in sci-fi of the time.
It was from the days when men were supposed to be men and women were supposed to be subservient like in Star Trek and Lost In Space - hence the ground breaking stuff like Blake's Seven were you actually had strong women characters like Servalan.
And by the way, I am a 'grown up' but I can still talk about things without being some repressed soy-boy.
And if you can't spot humour and self-parody, then I give up.
It's lucky that modern tv doesn't sink to low standards to attract their audiences - oh wait, it does - like TOWIE or Love Island or ANY other 'reality' tv show.
Bye Tom , see you back soon eh?. Cyclical springs to mind, each to his own , I wish you well, really, I do, take care and look after yourself and the cat, Be strong and be YOU,
x()x
Oh my word,,, plastic said “and more fit totty in shiny tiny outfits.....”
TOTTIE?
am I actually seeing you use such words?
“.plastic said “well-stacked girls in tiny shiny outfits,
Really ? Disgraceful and derogatory,,,grow up and be respectful, do not objectify women,
It is very shiny
And it's got flashing lights - that makes my day.
I really liked the new battlestar galactica. It wasn't a happy-ever-after-ending after every episode for a change. Here's a pic to excite Plastic
It's in a shiny costume...