I just wrote a reply to a thread about causing offence. I hit the 'Reply' button... and the thread had vanished!
Not sure how that happened.
For what it's worth, here's what I said...
I, too, have caused upset to others - usually unintentionally. Hopefully, now that I am not drinking (drink either clouded my better judgement or made me a lot less judicial with my choice of words), such instances will be rare.
Partly, I think, it's a function of the written word. The 'distance' of it can, I think, alter the perception of what we say if we aren't careful. Sometimes, I will write stuff that I think is perfectly appropriate. Then I'll look at it later and realise that it could be interpreted the wrong way. Sometimes it is interpreted the wrong way, and I'll end up apologising for creating the misunderstanding. Plenty of times, too, I've written stuff and looked at it later and thought 'Gosh, you pompous, arrogant a**e!' I've been pulled up for being high-minded when I haven't meant to be at all. I'm pretty certain that some of the things I write on here must create a certain impression of the person I am that isn't really the person I am at all. In my 'physical' human interactions, I'm usually polite, generous, Uriah Heep-like in my self-deprecation. I'm deeply insecure. Perhaps part of my authoritative tone in writing is one of my masks.
Being humans, we are all likely to fall out at sometime or other and have petty squabbles. Differences of opinion that spill over into words of a more personal of inflammatory nature. I'd like to think, though, that we can recognise diversity and respect it, and discuss our differences without resorting to the kind of behaviour politicians are renowned for (though, of course, a lot of that is pure theatrics). I used to be involved with several political groups - both in the real world and the virtual one - but found myself finding the type of discourse they engaged in to be more and more distasteful. I try to avoid group-think situations if I can - though I don't always succeed, and many times have pulled myself up for hypocrisy. I try hard to engage with all kinds of people and find some common ground with them. One of my closest buddies at work is someone whose politics are the polar opposite of mine. We'll have exchanges sometimes when he'll refer to 'loony lefties' and I'll refer to 'fascists' - but we can find something beyond that superficial stuff. This, I think, is so important.
Offence? A large part of me believes that no one has the right - God-given or otherwise - not to be offended. What is innocuous to one person - an expletive or exclamation, say - will be offensive to someone else. I was once roundly admonished by a raging woman for daring to say 'Damn it!' when I made a simple mistake. My mistake was as nothing compared to the magnitude of that! The 'causing offence' thing has all gotten wildly out of proportion now, with universities and colleges - institutions which should be about challenging us, expanding our minds, sharpening our critical faculties - banning certain speakers in case something they say causes offence to the sensitive little creatures who are listening, and who don't have the time to scuttle off to safe zones for trauma counselling afterwards. So... Peter Tatchell gets a ban, Germaine Greer gets a ban - as if they're somehow on a level with the likes of Abu Qatada or Tommy Robinson (both of whom still, in my mind, should have a right to say what they want to say, so that they can then be appropriately ridiculed, demolished, or otherwise dealt with through the usual legal channels for incitement to violence or hatred... which is, of course, always open to interpretation).
I've rambled enough. The bottom line is... hopefully, on here, we have a huge number of highly-intelligent people. Part of the measure of that intelligence is surely for us to get beyond things like name-calling, passive-aggression, petty insults. To discuss things rationally and objectively. To address questions in a manner that isn't ridiculing the other person, but is accepting of the fact that they hold opinions that are different from our own. We'll never evolve as a more civilised species if we continue with brickbats, entrenched positions, group-thinking... and accusations of causing offence when none was intended in the first place (unless, of course, it was intended).
That's my ten-pence worth!
The OP deleted the thread
Ah, okay. Shame, because I thought it was timely and worthwhile.
I know little, but something to do with when deleting in certain circumstances the op thread if deleted also deletes all sibling replies, like a chain effect, those that are connected or linked vanish,
doesn’t always work as often they become locked , meaning deleting isn’t an option available, but editing can still happen, so deleting words and whole sentences can be achieved in the parent thread/post, therefore rendering all replies unconnected in substance. They seem not to be in regards to the upsetting post.
I probably wouldn’t have a clue even if someone was being passive aggressive, name calling or ridiculing me etc, and I never know if someone’s insulted me! And if somebody takes offence at what I say, I can’t help that. I’m only responsible for what I say, not how somebody understands it or receives it. And we live in a world of thousands of people, the chances of us all understanding each other and agreeing etc, are pretty slim. So I don’t think it’s possibke, even if you tried, to not come across somebody who will use what you say as the object of their projection of their own inner hurt or confusion. It’s better to let them get on with it. Their focus usually passes pretty quickly onto something else.
You sound, according to your description of you, just as I imagined. An intelligent, kind hearted and willing gentleman ~ willing to do his best, in all situations. And that’s all that any of us can do.
I wouldn’t worry too much about offending people or not, just try to follow your heart, it’s much less complicated than the head.
I think you would, BlueRay. If you, say, dropped a plate of food all over the floor and someone came up to you and said 'You made a good job of that, didn't you, you clumsy old bat!' you'd get it
Passive-aggression is horrible. Really demeaning.
Nice of you to say. I'm a big self-critic. I know I'm not the best of people. But then, I suppose, none of us is.
I wouldn’t. Honestly. This would be my honest reply ~ I’d say what are you talking about? I don’t know what you mean by saying I made a good job of it? But yeah, I do have a tendency towards being clumsy sometimes, although not as much as my sister but I’m definitely not old or a bat ~ and regardless of their answers, I would honestly think I had just had a delightful interaction, which for me, would be genuinely true.
I think I was getting bullied at my last job, but I didn’t have a clue, so was I really getting bullied? It didn’t effect me in any way. I had a great time until I wasn’t, and then I left and the reason I left, was that it really was too tiring for me. I had gone back to work before I was really ready. It had nothing to do with the women who were apparently bullying me.
Greetings, here. (Doggone it, the Quote function is misbehaving again!)
Martain Tom said:
"If you, say, dropped a plate of food all over the floor and someone came up to you and said 'You made a good job of that, didn't you, you clumsy old bat!' you'd get it
Passive-aggression is horrible. Really demeaning."
...I get this a lot. (with laughter but most of all GRINS.) I had never really thought about it as Passive-Aggression, just people sucking my energy from my slight misfortune... but usually when this occurs I just call it 'Sarcasm' with the same Energy-Sucking. (i.e. people gang up or join in to increase the 'humiliation' and make it worse.)
... What I do is, if needed, correct/clean up the mistake, STATE that I did it, ending with a loud "So what? What else do you have to say/tease about it?" and then after that, if possible, walk away...!
...I post that in case it helps anyone...or in case it just augments how quietly Bad Tempered I really am... (!)