Why does everything go wrong

Finding it very stressful trying to convince my adult son, that there are "Nice/Good" people in this world. He is 37 has online friends, but no "Real" friends as he calls them. He has joined a couple of Meet up groups and not had good experiences, so chose not to go back. He is going stir crazy just being stuck home 24/7 365 days a year, only time he goes out is with me. He even admits it's not healthy for either of us for him to spend all his time with mum. 

The only things he has to do is listening to his music, read his magazines he subscripts too, talk to his online friends. He said he wants friends to meet up with, do stuff friends do. He would love a girlfriendDisappointed, in the future a wife, children but the women he meets all say he is too nice. How can you be too nice ? As a woman I would rather met a man who treats me right, than treats me wrongly Disappointed He often says mum I wish I had your confidence because I'd be a hit with people.

He has joined dating sites which have been a failure, all they do is take your money. As mum my heart is breaking because I really don't know what I can do to help him. 

Parents
  • Hi there, I’m really sorry to hear that your son is having a hard time of it. Do you mind me asking when he was diagnosed and if he’s had any early intervention treatment? I was diagnosed at the end of last year at the age of 37, I’m now 38. Prior to realising that I had ASD I had few friends, maybe 2 or 3 people that I would see a few times a year, I’d spend my spare time just sitting around obsessing/ruminating. BUT last year I bought ‘improve your social skills’ by Daniel Wendler. This book is literally one of my new obsessions, it’s Amazing! It’s basically a step by step handbook of how to do social skills, it covers everything from conversations, eye contact, empathy, making friends, body language, dating etc. The guy who wrote it has Aspergers himself and was diagnosed as a teenager, he then spent years studying social skills extensively and now coaches other on social skills. I started reading his book last summer and although I’m only a few chapters in, my social life has improved so much, I get feedback that I’m having good ‘chats’ with people rather than people getting annoyed with me and avoiding me. I have a lot more friends and have social arrangements 3/4 days a week. This Christmas holidays just gone has been the first one ever that’s just whizzed by in a blur of social engagements. My self esteem and confidence have improved massively too as has my mental health. Don’t get me wrong, it is exhausting, after social engagements I do need to make sure I’m able to have downtime for 2/3 hours BUT the benefits far outweigh the cost. This is the book I wish I’d had 30 years ago. Some people say learning social skills is just masking but to me it’s like I didn’t speak the same language as everyone else and that stopped me being able to make friends whereas now I have this book that’s enabling me to learn the language and make friends.

    Anyway, the point of my waffling on is that I wondered if your son might benefit from this book? If he’s reached a dead end and nothing else seems to work then it might be worth a go?

Reply
  • Hi there, I’m really sorry to hear that your son is having a hard time of it. Do you mind me asking when he was diagnosed and if he’s had any early intervention treatment? I was diagnosed at the end of last year at the age of 37, I’m now 38. Prior to realising that I had ASD I had few friends, maybe 2 or 3 people that I would see a few times a year, I’d spend my spare time just sitting around obsessing/ruminating. BUT last year I bought ‘improve your social skills’ by Daniel Wendler. This book is literally one of my new obsessions, it’s Amazing! It’s basically a step by step handbook of how to do social skills, it covers everything from conversations, eye contact, empathy, making friends, body language, dating etc. The guy who wrote it has Aspergers himself and was diagnosed as a teenager, he then spent years studying social skills extensively and now coaches other on social skills. I started reading his book last summer and although I’m only a few chapters in, my social life has improved so much, I get feedback that I’m having good ‘chats’ with people rather than people getting annoyed with me and avoiding me. I have a lot more friends and have social arrangements 3/4 days a week. This Christmas holidays just gone has been the first one ever that’s just whizzed by in a blur of social engagements. My self esteem and confidence have improved massively too as has my mental health. Don’t get me wrong, it is exhausting, after social engagements I do need to make sure I’m able to have downtime for 2/3 hours BUT the benefits far outweigh the cost. This is the book I wish I’d had 30 years ago. Some people say learning social skills is just masking but to me it’s like I didn’t speak the same language as everyone else and that stopped me being able to make friends whereas now I have this book that’s enabling me to learn the language and make friends.

    Anyway, the point of my waffling on is that I wondered if your son might benefit from this book? If he’s reached a dead end and nothing else seems to work then it might be worth a go?

Children