Funny word stuff

I love malapropisms: similar-sounding but incorrect words, which sometimes have a humorous effect.

Here are a couple of recent ones:

  • Viking Worrier Statue (Viking Warrior Statue) for sale on eBay 
  • Emotion Paint (Emulsion Paint) for sale on Marketplace 

Have you seen any funny word stuff? If so, do share!

Parents
  • If you like word-play... I once re-wrote Hamlet's 'To be, or not to be' soliloquy for weight-watchers.  Sorry... some of the puns aren't good...

    THE WEIGHT-WATCHER’S SOLILOQUY

    with apologies to Will Shakespeare!

    Tubby, or not tubby: fat is the question:

    whether ‘tis nobler in the mind to consume

    the sweets and mallows of outrageous feeding,

    or to take arms against a sea of cellulite,

    and by abstaining lose it. To diet?  To slim?

    No more!  (and by slimming to say we end

    the gut ache and the thousand caramel chocs

    the flesh will sag to!)  ‘Tis a consummation

    devoutly to be wished?

     

                                        To diet.  To slim.

    To slim - perchance to dream: ay, there’s the rub,

    for as we starve to death what creams may come

    when we have shuffled off this mortal flab,

    must give us pause?  There’s the dessert

    that makes calamity of so long abstinence:

    for who would bear the nips and chews of lettuce,

    the depressing crispbread, the gourmet’s contempt,

    the pangs of eternal hunger, the jaw’s decay,

    the indolence of orifice, and the churns

    that vacant corners of the stomach make

    when you yourself might your quietus make

    with a bare gherkin?  Who could even bear

    to shrink and sag under a boring diet,

    but that the thought of something after dinner…

    the undiscovered pantry, to whose shelves

    all serious eaters return, unmuzzles the gob,

    and makes us hap’ly scoff those things we want,

    then sample others that we know not of.

    Thus, chocolate does make cowards of us all,

    and thus the native hue of resolution

    is sicklied o’er with the tempting whiff of chips,

    and sticky buns of great size and density,

    with this regard their currants multiply,

    and lose the name ‘forbidden’.

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