Published on 12, July, 2020
Birthday parties seem to be repeatedly in the news. Some autistic child is upset because either he/she is not invited or school kids don't go to their party.
What are our experiences of birthday parties?
Well.... I've never had a birthday party in my honour! I just don't see the point. As a child I received a few birthday cards and presents from my immediate family and that's about it.
I've only attended a couple of small parties . And that was the girl next door, called Zinta. And I was under ten years old.
To me it's a mystery why people have these massive parties and everything that goes with it. A B l o o d y mystery?
Interesting question Robert.
When I was a young child I had birthday parties organised by my mum. They followed a set formula - pass the parcel, farmer's in the den, hunt the thimble - then birthday tea, sing happy birthday and blow out candles on the cake. i did not like being the centre of attention. Going to parties at other children's houses often felt very uncomfortable.
Got trickier when I was a teenager. No set formula. Luckily my birthday is in the xmas school holiday so I could escape without a party. Relatives organised an 18th birthday party for me - family and neighbours with some of my brother's friends. I celebrated my 21st birthday by having egg and chips in a bus station cafe (much more my thing!)
If it was up to me I wouldn't have had a wedding reception either - too much smiling - my face really hurt by the end. I knew I was supposed to be going round talking to people (there were only 20 there) but I just wanted to sit and listen to the music.
I've had some real problems at parties in adult life - I now recognise these were probably meltdowns. Too much stress and noise. Entertaining people is incredibly difficult for me - I've had meltdowns cooking xmas lunch so I don't do that anymore. We have a picnic.
Some people are energised when they are surrounded by other people - it's like recharging their battery to be in a noisy, crowded room. It's the opposite for me - I feel drained. I can't see the point of being with people when you can't even hear what they're saying. It's a cliche but you'll always find me in the kitchen at parties (if I can bring myself to go, which is unlikely!)
Sunflower said:Some people are energised when they are surrounded by other people - it's like recharging their battery to be in a noisy, crowded room
Well,. I've learnt something new today. I never thought of that.
I've been to birthday parties as an adult. But I wasn't really invited and I turned up because of unusual circumstances.
Around 1990 I was going to a job interview in Stoke. And a former friend offered me a lift by car because coincidentally he was visiting his girlfriend who was living in Stoke, while studying at the nearby university of Keele.
After my interview we visited his girlfriend. Who was holding a birthday party. And that day was an experience I will never forget.
We spent the afternoon preparing for the party. Cooking food, setting up the tables etc. The lady was sharing the house with two other female students. Then the bad tempered landlord of this rented house turned up. And things got very tense.
While arguing with them he made sly comments several times about 'blue stockings'
The argument was mostly about the fact that they had changed the locks and were refusing to give him the new keys. He wanted the keys because he owned the house. The three girls refused because they were living there and he had previously come into the house without their knowledge or permission.
I asked them what he meant about 'blue stockings' and the woman explained. The the landlord was a straight thinking working class man, who thought that there was something strange about three unmarried women in their twenties, sharing a house.
The party itself was uneventful. Around forty people. Half of them staying overnight, sleeping it off. I only knew two people at the party and was glad to get home the following day.
The bit about some people being energised by being with other people was said to me by a Clinical Psychologist I saw for my autism assessment. I noticed it with my sister. If she was at home for an evening she would start pacing up and down and have to invite a friend round in the end. I was the exact opposite.
That party you ended up at in Stoke turned out to be quite an unusual experience. Just shows how women can be put under inappropriate pressure by men (the landlord). It would be creepy for me if someone came into a house I was renting while I was not there. Horrible that he tried to put them into a category 'bluestocking' used to put down women who stand up to men.
Forty people is a big party and twenty staying over is a lot too! Did you get to sleep in a proper bed? I remember parties where people had to sleep all over the floor. I woke up after a party like that in London and saw a rat looking right back at me!
That brings back memories! I didn't like using other people's toilets and bathrooms when I stayed away from home. Still don't like using shower blocks when we go campervanning. I'd rather wait and have a shower when I get home!
I slept in living room on the carpet. There were people sleeping on the stairs. I climbed over them to get to the toilet.