Couldn't sleep, so...

Personally speaking as an Aspie, one of the biggest issues I have to deal with is non-autistic people (neurotypicals) always seeming to think they know better than I do about my own condition and state of mind. So I'll get told things like "That's not autism. Everyone gets anxiety" - even though autistic anxiety starts at a point where most other people's has already peaked. Or "Everyone's a little bit autistic, of course." No, they're not - just as everyone's not 'a little bit pregnant.' And then there are the ones who'll say "You shouldn't refer to yourself as 'autistic', but rather as 'a person with autism'" - as if that makes it all seem not so bad after all! As if they'd also say to a gay person "You shouldn't think of yourself as a homosexual, but rather as 'a person with homosexuality.'"
 
The average life expectancy of an autistic person is 54. The main cause of early death is suicide. Aspies are 9 times more likely to die by suicide than the rest of the population. That's a pretty stark and daunting statistic. But when you've spent a lifetime being bullied, ridiculed, ignored, ostracised, dismissed and put down, is it any wonder that the idea of suicide can sometimes seem attractive? Dare I say it - 'comforting', even? That it can be reassuring to know that the option is there, if it all gets too much?
 
If neurotypicals want to do something to try to remedy this situation, they could start by accepting that they DON'T know better. They don't know any more what it's like to be autistic than a tortoise knows what it's like to be a dolphin. Maybe, instead, they could just try to be a little more understanding, empathetic and accepting.
 
And maybe they could pause for a moment before passing on another piece of their superior knowledge about autism and say to themselves, "Hang on a minute. Why don't I just SHUT THE **** UP, instead?"
[Edited by Moderator]
  • Would you believe that I once got told the exact same thing by a psychiatrist!  Even in the medical profession, ignorance abounds!

  • I told my mother in law that I may be autistic to which she replied “no you’re not as you don’t wave/flap your hands about”  I had to explain to her that that’s one symptom of autism that’s not inclusive to every atypical person. But I totally see what your saying about NT’s think they know all

  • So I'll get told things like "That's not autism. Everyone gets anxiety" - even though autistic anxiety starts at a point where most other people's has already peaked.

    Autistica presented research supporting that (cortisol levels are higher even though outer anxiety might appear similar). Caroline Hearst at https://www.autismmatters.org.uk/blog/were-all-part-of-the-human-constellation-but-are-we-all-part-of-the-autism-constellation puts it like:

    Typically the largest part of social communication is non-verbal - autistic people do not understand this communication.  We just do not have the neurological equipment to decode and deal with social situations in a typical way; we fear entering territory that often proves treacherous for us. Comparing ordinary anxiety about social situations to autistic social anxiety is like comparing my concern about swimming across a river (I am a good swimmer)  to that of a poor swimmer or non-swimmer needing to cross the same river.  We  are facing the same situation but our ability to deal with it is vastly different. 

    I might be anxious because of the currents and the fact I don’t know this particular river, I might not make it because of conditions beyond my control; but I do have the skills to cross given reasonable conditions and a history of successful river crossings. However, a non-swimmer without outside help is likely to drown regardless of the conditions – they don’t have the equipment for the task.  Their anxiety is of a different order of magnitude to my anxiety, their anxiety is grounded in the likelihood of a bad outcome, whereas my anxiety is priming me to be careful and achieve the best possible outcome.

  • Ah, but they do.  Legally, as well as morally.  And I don't consider myself less fortunate than an NT.

  • Also, ramps and hearing loops are put in place by someone else - in means the average NT need do nothing to consider anyone less fortunate.

  • Height has never helped me.  In fact, they guy who finally put me in hospital at school was a good deal shorter than I was - which is why his upward punch to my cheekbone (which broke) almost took out my eye.

    Bullies come in all shapes and sizes.  And I'll be honest and say I haven't yet met one as tall as I am, or taller.

  • NTs love to patronise someone obviously less fortunate - we do not look unfortunate therefore deserve no assistance in their eyes.

  • In that sense, as with disability, it becomes a social construct.  And as with disability, society should adapt to it - as it does with providing hearing loops, wheelchair ramps, etc. 

  • Sleep!!!!

    I'm Just getting up after less than 5 hours sleep.  Thinking of going back to sleep.  But..  the nightmares are wearing me out.  So I'm tired from lack of sleep and tired from the nightmarish sleep.

    You being bullied.  I seem to remember you saying you're 6 feet 5.   I'm only 5 feet 7.  So bullying is an issue for me.

  • Unfortunately, NTs are in the majority - they live in a world built by NTs for NTs and so anyone different will stand out like a sore thumb. If Aspies were in wheelchairs, we'd get more sympathy and understanding - but as we look 'normal', NTs expect you to be normal like them.

    There's also the fact that in a minority, only 16% end up working - and of those, most are menial jobs so NT's view of people with autism is not good.

    The higher-functioning Aspies are expected to be able to keep their mask up 100% of the time and play at being NTs so no-one has to make allowances for them. It is bothersome for NTs to have to consider anyone outside their blinkered view of the world.

  • I agree. Most typical people I know don't make space to listen and understand. That's quite frustrating for me, because I've a lot to say, and it's hard for me to express.

    I hope you're still on the wagon, MT? How's it going? Have a good day.