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Couldn't sleep, so...

Deleted user
over 5 years ago
Personally speaking as an Aspie, one of the biggest issues I have to deal with is non-autistic people (neurotypicals) always seeming to think they know better than I do about my own condition and state of mind. So I'll get told things like "That's not autism. Everyone gets anxiety" - even though autistic anxiety starts at a point where most other people's has already peaked. Or "Everyone's a little bit autistic, of course." No, they're not - just as everyone's not 'a little bit pregnant.' And then there are the ones who'll say "You shouldn't refer to yourself as 'autistic', but rather as 'a person with autism'" - as if that makes it all seem not so bad after all! As if they'd also say to a gay person "You shouldn't think of yourself as a homosexual, but rather as 'a person with homosexuality.'"
 
The average life expectancy of an autistic person is 54. The main cause of early death is suicide. Aspies are 9 times more likely to die by suicide than the rest of the population. That's a pretty stark and daunting statistic. But when you've spent a lifetime being bullied, ridiculed, ignored, ostracised, dismissed and put down, is it any wonder that the idea of suicide can sometimes seem attractive? Dare I say it - 'comforting', even? That it can be reassuring to know that the option is there, if it all gets too much?
 
If neurotypicals want to do something to try to remedy this situation, they could start by accepting that they DON'T know better. They don't know any more what it's like to be autistic than a tortoise knows what it's like to be a dolphin. Maybe, instead, they could just try to be a little more understanding, empathetic and accepting.
 
And maybe they could pause for a moment before passing on another piece of their superior knowledge about autism and say to themselves, "Hang on a minute. Why don't I just SHUT THE **** UP, instead?"
[Edited by Moderator]
Parents
  • over 5 years ago
    So I'll get told things like "That's not autism. Everyone gets anxiety" - even though autistic anxiety starts at a point where most other people's has already peaked.

    Autistica presented research supporting that (cortisol levels are higher even though outer anxiety might appear similar). Caroline Hearst at https://www.autismmatters.org.uk/blog/were-all-part-of-the-human-constellation-but-are-we-all-part-of-the-autism-constellation puts it like:

    Typically the largest part of social communication is non-verbal - autistic people do not understand this communication.  We just do not have the neurological equipment to decode and deal with social situations in a typical way; we fear entering territory that often proves treacherous for us. Comparing ordinary anxiety about social situations to autistic social anxiety is like comparing my concern about swimming across a river (I am a good swimmer)  to that of a poor swimmer or non-swimmer needing to cross the same river.  We  are facing the same situation but our ability to deal with it is vastly different. 

    I might be anxious because of the currents and the fact I don’t know this particular river, I might not make it because of conditions beyond my control; but I do have the skills to cross given reasonable conditions and a history of successful river crossings. However, a non-swimmer without outside help is likely to drown regardless of the conditions – they don’t have the equipment for the task.  Their anxiety is of a different order of magnitude to my anxiety, their anxiety is grounded in the likelihood of a bad outcome, whereas my anxiety is priming me to be careful and achieve the best possible outcome.

Reply
  • over 5 years ago
    So I'll get told things like "That's not autism. Everyone gets anxiety" - even though autistic anxiety starts at a point where most other people's has already peaked.

    Autistica presented research supporting that (cortisol levels are higher even though outer anxiety might appear similar). Caroline Hearst at https://www.autismmatters.org.uk/blog/were-all-part-of-the-human-constellation-but-are-we-all-part-of-the-autism-constellation puts it like:

    Typically the largest part of social communication is non-verbal - autistic people do not understand this communication.  We just do not have the neurological equipment to decode and deal with social situations in a typical way; we fear entering territory that often proves treacherous for us. Comparing ordinary anxiety about social situations to autistic social anxiety is like comparing my concern about swimming across a river (I am a good swimmer)  to that of a poor swimmer or non-swimmer needing to cross the same river.  We  are facing the same situation but our ability to deal with it is vastly different. 

    I might be anxious because of the currents and the fact I don’t know this particular river, I might not make it because of conditions beyond my control; but I do have the skills to cross given reasonable conditions and a history of successful river crossings. However, a non-swimmer without outside help is likely to drown regardless of the conditions – they don’t have the equipment for the task.  Their anxiety is of a different order of magnitude to my anxiety, their anxiety is grounded in the likelihood of a bad outcome, whereas my anxiety is priming me to be careful and achieve the best possible outcome.

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