Published on 12, July, 2020
For some reason whenever I have an extended break from academic study or work, I still feel the need to do just that, WORK. Why is this? I think I have developed a habit of constantly expecting a task or two to come my way, given that I live on my own and when there is no deadline, there are still the dirty dishes and the fur balls on the carpet that need cleaning up. When trying to get to university I had to work much harder than most students, given I came from a special needs school with hardly anything. Maybe this came with a territory of feeling inadequate if I get a task wrong.
What do people with autism do if they get one thing wrong? They will try and do five tasks right the first time to make up for it, effectively overcompensating what they need to do. Looking and undertaking a task makes me feel like I am making the use of the day somewhat. Maybe it is the constant need for a routine which will keep you from appearing lazy to your family members? Thank goodness my lecturer has given me a summer job because if I was unable to get one like last summer I feel the insanity may become too much! Normally this insanity is perceived to come on in people who fear they are working too hard. Why is it different in some other people then? If you ever feel like this or have felt like this before please let me know.
Stavratross
YES! I can relate to this so much. Recently I was given time off work due to stress and now that I'm at home supposed to be resting and healing my brain, I feel I have to be doing something eg learning something online or job searching or exercise or cleaning to avoid feeling guilty and avoid the feeling of being judged by my family and neighbours. I had this feeling and sense of shame before I had a job at all and now the feeling has returned because I'm not in the workplace. I always thought this was a problem with me - I hadn't thought of attributing it to Aspergers!
It's weird isn't it. Some people can never be busy and it doesn't bother them. Why does it bother other people so much though? Maybe that need for a routine I dont know?
I feel this way all the time! Thanks for sharing your experience, it's nice to know that there is someone out there who feel the same way.