Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi, I’m just looking for some advice. My Sons girlfriend has autism with seizures and lives at home she is in her early 20’s. I don’t fully understand the situation but she is fairly capable in day to day life, stays at ours at the weekend and she communicates at a good level. However tonight she was distraught and was very upset on the phone because her family do not like my son and they keep having a go at her and my son over the relationship. On several occasions she has been threatened with being sent in to care and today they told her if she leaves she’s not coming back. She was also slapped by her mother. My son is very upset by the situation so has not helped himself by getting into arguments with the family. They believe it is my son who is the problem as they think he doesn’t treat her very well and he argues with them and also because it is ruining her routine which is the reason for her outbursts. The daughter says it is because they just keep picking on her all the time. On speaking with the mother this evening she said she only slapped her to stop a seizure and that speaking forcefully to her is the way she has been trained to deal with her, she isn’t allowed to talk as they say she is arguing and if she says anything they make her apologise with threats of care (I heard this myself). I guess I just need to know if this is how you are supposed to treat people with autism as I know a different approach needs to be taken. I really want to help by knowing a little bit more so we can give her some routine when she is here and support the family if this is the correct way. Thanks
Thankyou for all your advice and the more the better so I can understand:-) unfortunately the situation has escalated in the past day. The family is now saying we are bad parents etc and we do drugs, obviously I know this is not the case so it has given me a bit of insight into how they deal with situations. We were hoping to have a sit down with them so we could work on a way to make things easier but I don’t think this will be the case as her other daughter has called up my sons girlfriend and made threats to me now. I’m not prepared to get involved in such a volatile situation but will continue to offer support to the couple. Just wanted a little more advice as the mother keeps saying the social worker that they have will come and take her away but the girl has never met the social worker and doesn’t have anybody else she sees that can help her. The couple want to contact social services and find someone who can support her, which I have said is a good idea then you can have a neutral third party that is trained in dealing with these type of things. I’m just worried that this was the wrong thing to say and that I’m going to get accused of interfering and making the situation worse.
I think it would be a very good idea for your son's girlfriend to seek help from the social work dept. as, at the very least, she will be given a clearer idea of who her social worker is (if indeed she does have one, as her parents say) and they will be able to advise her of her rights with regards to her parents threats to 'put her into care' - something which I think is not possible at her age!
If I were you, I wouldn't attempt to meet with or co-operate with her parents as they do not sound like the kind of people it's possible to compromise with and you could end up being drawn into a much more volatile and dangerous situation.