Just wondered if anyone else could identify with the problems I have around greetings. Every day when my partner comes home and shouts "Hi" it's like I have a mental block that makes me feel slightly angry and I just don't want to say hello to him. It's almost a physical reaction that I cannot force myself to do it. It's not that I am not happy he's home its just getting past that initial greeting. The same thing can happen when I visit people close to me such as my Mum. I prefer to just start chatting about something important than have to say "Hello" It just feels a bit pointless.
I also have an issue with using names. I never call my boyfriend by his name (to his face, can use his name when talking about him), never have done with previous boyfriends either or many people that I am close too, this has been a problem and upset people including my Dad as I found it hard to call him Dad. It's amazing how easy it is to get away without the need for use of names.
All of this is easier for me with people I am not so familiar with. Doesn't mean I enjoy it, just find it easier going through these motions with people that I have to - like those at work, than people I am closer to.
Could this be an autism trait or is this a whole new issue?
That's interesting. Personally i don't have an issue with names or 'hello' but i do have perhaps a similar thing to you when it comes to saying 'Happy Birthday'! I'm not sure why but if it is a 'special day' for someone and i know that when i next greet them i will need to say that first, it makes me very anxious. Possibly it's because people tend to be a bit unpredictable with that one, maybe they're excited and will be loud about it or maybe they will be depressed at getting older and snap at everyone. Not sure if this reply is much use to you. Hopefully some other people will have more insight on this!
I do use a short 'Hi', but that's usually with work collegues or 'friends', to try and forestall "Hello, how are you doing? Had a good weekend?" etc.I can't remember when I last called my wife by her name (unless shouting upstairs to get her attention), but then I can't remember when she called me by my name. She also has Asperger's - not formally diagnosed, but she did say she would have answered all the questions in the diagnostic interview the same as I...
I definitely have problems with 'How are you', because that usually means I have to lie.
StephenHarris said:I definitely have problems with 'How are you', because that usually means I have to lie.
The problem with saying your “ok” is that if the person who is asking the question is NOT ok, then you’re just making them feel even more isolated in their own state of mind... and perpetuating the societal norm that no one ever admits that they feel like crap sometimes. maybe be asking “are you okay?l...means that they secretly want to disclose that they are not...and then the conversation begins...
It’s all very cyclic and then we become locked into our own false bravado
Just lately I have stopped lying and say exactly what you said, “ No and I haven’t been okay in a while now” at best I might get a “ oH,,,,sorry mate” as they shuffle away quite quickly, they know I might just tell them how I really am.
previousely I would try to be polite but would rarely say anything was wrong,
Now finding the person who really cares and wants to know is not so easy, there are some and they are honest caring people.
also if such a caring person asks I invariably have to way up wether I can really explain in such a short time and if I am feeling sufficiently stable in mind,?
, I was so upset one morning that when a certain person asked if I was alright I had to turn away and go quickly, all day I felt terrible for doing that, I later told them how sorry I was ,and that I knew they really cared, but I would have burst into tears, they understood and said if I ever needed to talk I could.
a rare person these days,