As someone autistic, I know how vulnerable I can be at times.
I have to think hard to understand that things may not be as they seem.
There have been posts here recently about 'friendship' and dating. From a general point of view there are several things to look out for where others could take advantage of autistic traits. And one of them is someone who says they are neurotypical but are looking for someone autistic.
This begs the question 'Why?' I think we would all be very suspicious of a middle aged man who said he wanted to meet girls of thirteen or fourteen. It woujld immediately send alarm bells ringing. And by the same token we should be very wary if someone says they are neurotypical and then wishes to make friends with and date autistic people. My thoughts of this that spring to mind are that it may be someone who wishes to take advantage of autistic naiivity, someone who wants to lead us gradually to places we are not comfortable. Add to the mix the first thing they say is that they want to see pictures of us and we are getting into very dangerous territory if we are not careful.
Our details could be shared with any number of strangers, the word could get out of our vulnerabilities which have been coaxed out of us and this used by any number of people to exploit us. And just because someone says they live in Birmingham or Manchester or wherever, does not mean it is true. It could be to lead us into a false sense of security,
And then there are the 'hard-luck' stories. Who can forget the 'Nigerian' emails of a few years ago where untold riches were promised in return for a sum of money to release funds. And then the emails purporting to be from a bank. Such things are getting more and more sophisticated. We could give our details to any number of people who want to exploit us through befriending just one person.
Several years ago an email which purported to be from a loved one, saying they were trapped in a foreign country and needed money immediately to get home. The address was got from harvesting addresses from a friends computer. And I have suspicions that befriending some of these people might also lead to such hard luck stories or similar.
It is very difficult to tell who is genuine and who is not but we should all be very careful. I know it is difficult to say that all posts asking for dating should be removed. But I believe this should be done in order to protect us. This forum should not be a dating site. And none of us should reveal personal details to anyone until we are absolutely certain that someone is bona fide. To do otherwise could have tragic consequences.
The following song is quite relevant:
Add me by Chumbawamba
We may be more vulnerable on average than neurotypical people, but we are adults and can make up our own minds. I personally don't think I want to find a date on this site, but I don't want to be protected like I'm a child, either.
That video is funny, though the person narrating has some clear autistic traits, which is a bit depressing. It just goes to show how repulsive autistic traits are to neurotypicals, right in line with the more clearly weird stuff such as the tendency to post nude photos of oneself, etc.
I was told at my assessment that almost every relationship i have had was inappropriate and that at least 3 of them groomed me. I was horrified but in retrospect i can see what she means. I certainly didn't feel that I was being abused but there it is. I am an adult as you said but as a 51 year old i think I would probably be used again if I weren't with my husband. I am vulnerable, I have to accept that however childish it might make me feel.
Accepting things isn't childish. Denying them is. It's good that you have someone who isn't a dirtbag.
I was in the same situation as you in a 'relationship' my late-teens/early-20s and it did me immense damage. I didn't realise he had been grooming me until I started working in education and had to do safeguarding training- reads like a checklist. So that's a fun thing I have to do every year. >>
Accepting that I'm vulnerable is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. My partner of 5 years had a similar experience (also autistic and at the same age). I don't think it's uncommon with us on the spectrum to be targeted in that way as young adults.
Reading you post is very relevent to my son who is early 20s. He has ASD
And still had no true girlfriend not relationship experience. However a teen girl has reported my son for harrasment charges, we didn't know and this girl now 16 txt him 2,500 times and phoned him 50 times on police investigation, he sent less back not phoned her once. She is the younger sibling of the brother who befriended my son. Took money off him, asking for tobacco, money for alcohol.I stopped it.
My son is at risk of prison and court hearing due. But since her allegations, she won't leave him alone and calls for him at the house, she's not the victim here for sure. I know this is an Entrapment. Police don't seem to notice my many reports of complaint but recently she finally had a warning to stay away.
My son don't see her for what she is, and it's very sad that if he goes near her he could end up in custody prior to the case.
I think it's about time there is more protection for vulnerable young adults manipulated by teens who fake friendships and report fasle malicious sexual crimes. He's had this beforehand. All teens are friends, but the police seem to not care to help.
How can we protect our ASD members from manipulation if they can't see it themselves?? as the complaint has to be made by them. It's terrible.
It's good you are married and reflecting your experience here. Thanks for sharing
I am new on here and I agree with the vulnerability that comes with relationships. My son is nearly 18 and is struggling to understand his emotions. He has been suspended from college for sending an inappropriate photo. But the girl who also has special needs told college that he just sent it to her. When in fact she asked him to send it to her.
Now he looks the bad one when in fact they are both to blame. My son can't cope with his emotions when girls tell him they fancy him. He then thinks it's the norm to get obsessed with them. Making things totally worse. I'm hoping one day, he will find a girl who understands his needs.
How do I help him when it comes to relationships?? My heart breaks for him as he loves college :( xx
My son is in prison now. So please get help!!!! We got no support.