same old same old

so people with autism like me usually don't like too much change but has anyone else got to the breaking point were you can't take it anymore because i'm in high school right now and it's the same thing every year since elementary i just go to school and eventual have summer and then go back and i can't take it anymore... and it's not just school it's also happening to things like holidays and my birthday and i'm losing the joy i use to get from my birthday and Christmas and i want to get those feelings back. so does anyone else know how i'm feeling and can you offer some advice.

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  • Yes, I do know how you’re feeling. I currently can’t even take the change between night and day. This has taken me a while to work out, but even the change between night and day is too much. I too have lost all my joy for Christmas and birthdays etc. I always used to get the biggest Christmas tree I could find every year and for the past few years I haven’t bothered with one at all. I’ve been out of work for a while now, since my meltdown/shutdown/burnout starting last year and the thought of going to do a routine 9 to 5 job makes me want to commit suicide. Seriously. I know that it will simply be a cycle of work, weekends, holidays, rince and repeat and I can’t take that. It’s not living, it’s surviving. 

    There are no easy solutions to this. But this is how I currently understand it. I think that the accumulation of me not catching up with processing all the changes etc that happen through life, I eventually start shutting down parts of my brain etc to compensate which results in loss of joy etc in areas of my life. It’s like the balance of the scales are tipping. And as a result, my world kind of gets smaller, so I start being aware of the small transitions/changes that take place throughout the day and block other stuff out, as a way of coping. But that effects all other areas of life and I start getting down on myself and when I start doing that, I can’t see solutions and I just see this awful series of changes that are meaningless. 

    This is a majorly simplified version and it may not be clear or apply to anybody else. But I think basically, what I’m saying is, we’re basically currently overloaded with our lives and every situation is different but for me, what is working best, is to begin to minimise my life as much as possible in all areas of my life, get organised so I feel more in control, keep things simple, get lots of rest or exercise or whatever helps you to relax and to try to divert the mind towards more pleasant things. It’s hard to say, because we’re all different but it sounds like you would benefit from speaking to somebody about this, sooner rather than later. 

    Is there a support worker or somebody you can trust at School who you can talk to about this. It’s imperative that you speak to somebody. There are no quick fixes but they could help you with distressing techniques, ways to reduce any stress, they could help you explore areas of your life which could bring some joy back. Until we start talking about it with somebody else, all this stuff just keeps swirling round our heads and sometimes it doesn’t take much to change the situation. But please just approach somebody about this, either at school or at home and start the ball rolling to get you some support. 

    Take care and let me know if any of that or none of that makes sense or if it relates to you and let me know who it is you will talk to. 

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