Published on 12, July, 2020
Do you ever offend other people unintentionally, like me?
I try to live a quiet life, not bothering other people. But other people expect me to behave in a particular way and get very upset at things that don't really concern them.
A recent example is how I upset me sister, by not inviting her to my graduation ceremony.
Beforehand nothing was mentioned or discussed. I never had any intention of going to the ceremony. The idea of getting dressed up and being seen on stage by hundreds of people terrified me. Since the ceremony was optional I turned down the invitation and the two guest tickets.
A week later I got a very distressed phone call from my sister, trying to invite herself to my ceremony. She had assumed from the beginning that she would be invited.
End result was that she was so upset. I got uninvited to her family Christmas.
Hi Robert123
In answer to your question, yes I do sometimes offend people unintentionally.
However in the scenario you describe I'm not sure that I'd say it was a situation that should have caused offence. You had decided not to go and therefore there was no scope for your sister to go. That's different to not inviting her if you were going (which depending on who you chose to invite in her place may or may not be offensive to her).
I'm inclined to agree with other comments that your sister doesnt understand your perspective on this. By shutting you out she's not being terribly helpful in trying to understand either.
Hopefully she'll calm down or someone will suggest to her to talk to you about it more rationally.
I think you may need to help her out a bit by explaining your perspective to her. Hopefully she'll understand that its not a personal affront to her.
I think often offence can occur when people make assumptions without bothering to check if they're right. Often by correcting the assumptions by explaining where you're coming from will be sufficient to resolve things.
I must admit I have a similar family member who tends to take a very emotional reaction on instinct. Many a time we've had to leave her to calm down before we can even talk to her about why she over-reacted. That happens for both me and NT people with her.
Sometimes people will be offended whether you're NT or ND. It's just their perspective on the world that means they are like that.
BTW I have made peace with my sister. All this happened a few years ago.