Published on 12, July, 2020
Do you ever offend other people unintentionally, like me?
I try to live a quiet life, not bothering other people. But other people expect me to behave in a particular way and get very upset at things that don't really concern them.
A recent example is how I upset me sister, by not inviting her to my graduation ceremony.
Beforehand nothing was mentioned or discussed. I never had any intention of going to the ceremony. The idea of getting dressed up and being seen on stage by hundreds of people terrified me. Since the ceremony was optional I turned down the invitation and the two guest tickets.
A week later I got a very distressed phone call from my sister, trying to invite herself to my ceremony. She had assumed from the beginning that she would be invited.
End result was that she was so upset. I got uninvited to her family Christmas.
Just a short post-script. My brother's wife is a narcissist, and very adept at manipulation and wrong-footing. I think it was actually she who was behind the 'taking offence' regarding my not inviting my brother to the Registry Office. She saw it as the done and proper thing, and convinced my brother likewise. I don't think it would have bothered him too much - but he's her puppet, so he moves to her string-pulls. Another issue came up with the wedding reception. My ex-wife and I were both vegetarians, so we enlisted the help of a top-class vegetarian chef to prepare a fantastic vegetarian spread for us. Once she found out, though, she said 'Then we'll bring our own food. We eat meat, and you really should be catering for meat-eaters, too.' In the end, to save any grief, we scrubbed the idea. We just went to a local pub, where people could order whatever they wanted and we paid the bill. They couldn't make a single concession on it, just for that day, in accordance with our wishes. We were gratified, at least, by the fact that everyone ordered vegetarian food - except them! She even took control when it came to my mother's funeral earlier this year. Apparently, as her son and (at the end) principal carer, I had no right to invite non-family members to come to mum's bedside on the night she passed. Comments were made about my inviting one of mum's other favourite carers - a woman who'd lost her own mother just a year earlier, and who treated mum as she would have done her own mother. The poor woman was made to feel so uncomfortable that she decided not to come to the funeral. That was the final straw for me. I've now cut ties with them. And if they're offended by that.... tough!