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Explaining Autism to my son

sonia

My son has just finally been diagnosed after 3 years of hitting our heads againstr brick walls. he has always had an understanding that he is different in some ways. I have now been able to say it is autism. What I am finding now though is whenever he is naughty or doesn't do his handwriting neat at school he will say "But I have autism". I have tried to explain that this isn't an excuse for bad behaviour or sloppy work but it is a reason why some things are harder for him. How can I stop him using his autism like this. I want him to understand some of his difficulties but not to think "oh well I don't have to bother cos I've got autism" He is high functioning and is not at all anxious socially, in fact he is the opposite and just doesn't get the social cues to back off and give people space. Any help or advice would be welcome, I want to be sure that I do the best I can for him.

Parents

  • Hmm... Difficult one.

    I think you need to seperate out, in your own mind, what is a product of his being on the spectrum, and what is real naughtyness.

    And then learn to cope, and help him cope, with those thing that are a product of autism.

    His handwriting for example - poor handwriting is very common amongst people on the spectrum, as are many other examples of poor motor control.

    I had appaling handwriting for a long time, and then one day, when I was about 14 or 15, it just changed - no amount of berating me, or getting me to practice neater handwritting, before that, made any difference what-so-ever, and had I known then what I know now I would have refused to practice my hand writting on the grounds that a) it's not really that important (I very rarely write anything by hand in anything other than block capitals that anyone else will read), and b) being made to feel bad for something I couldn't change no matter how hard I tried was, and still is, very distressing and upsetting.

    You are correct, being on the spectrum is not an excuse for 'bad behaviour', but you may need to reassess your own definition 'bad behaviour' in the light of what you now know (his being on the the spectrum).

    May I suggest you post some examples of those things you consider to be him just being naughty, and which he uses his autism as an excuse for?

Reply

  • Hmm... Difficult one.

    I think you need to seperate out, in your own mind, what is a product of his being on the spectrum, and what is real naughtyness.

    And then learn to cope, and help him cope, with those thing that are a product of autism.

    His handwriting for example - poor handwriting is very common amongst people on the spectrum, as are many other examples of poor motor control.

    I had appaling handwriting for a long time, and then one day, when I was about 14 or 15, it just changed - no amount of berating me, or getting me to practice neater handwritting, before that, made any difference what-so-ever, and had I known then what I know now I would have refused to practice my hand writting on the grounds that a) it's not really that important (I very rarely write anything by hand in anything other than block capitals that anyone else will read), and b) being made to feel bad for something I couldn't change no matter how hard I tried was, and still is, very distressing and upsetting.

    You are correct, being on the spectrum is not an excuse for 'bad behaviour', but you may need to reassess your own definition 'bad behaviour' in the light of what you now know (his being on the the spectrum).

    May I suggest you post some examples of those things you consider to be him just being naughty, and which he uses his autism as an excuse for?

Children
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