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Mental paralysis

Alien0n3arth

I could describe it as a mental paralysis. A feeling,  that I can't do anything, feeling stuck. It's not just by itself, but a result of me being constantly interrupted while doing an activity. For example,  my assessor gave me some interesting paper to read about autistic perception. I started reading, red one page. Then my daughter cried and called me to come and play with her because she was bored. It feels irritating but I went to play with her. She asked me to build a Santa's house with lego. I started. Then she got angry, that it's all boring and destroyed the house. Ok I left the room and calmed down. Then I started watching a video on YouTube- interview with Penrose about the universe. Again call and crying. I should build the house again, she was sorry for destroying it. I'm unfortunately too calm, too patient and struggle to recognise when and how I should react. I have a counsellor helping with it. I started again. And she got angry again. I suspect my daughter is ADHD, also heard such suspicion from her teacher, but I don't stick to it until I get full report from her assessment, that is ongoing. 

Then she cried that I don't hug her, although she spent whole morning on my lap. I'm drained, exhausted, empty, irritated, want to do something to calm down but can't. And I'm anxious that if I start doing something, she will interrupt me again.

I'm not sure, if anyone has any such experience, or advice. In case if not, I'm just sharing. On the coming Thursday should be my last appointment of my assessment,  so I'm also kind of paralysed by it.

Parents

  • I get paralysed when I'm waiting for something. I feel like I'm in limbo and can't concentrate on anything. When I lived with my last partner, even when I was concentrating on something (research or writing for me), he would interrupt me whenever he had a computer problem, so I know how unsettling that can be. Sometimes one of my friends pings me a direct message when I'm in the middle of something and I have to fight to control my irritation and concentrate on responding to them. It can be difficult sometimes, despite caring about their friendship. I can imagine it must be difficult with a young child who demands attention.

    I'd guess you might be in limbo waiting for your final assessment interview, but you're the best judge of that. If that's the case, you might be in for a few more days of this. Hugs.

  • in reply to Alexa

    Thank you. A year ago the biggest problem here was me not reacting to my daughter. Now I take meds, that weaken my hyperfocus leading sometimes to irritation. And unfortunately I do react much faster, which means i get interrupted more often. I want to paint a new picture with mountains for my next lego story. But I'm afraid of being interrupted again. So it's like - it doesn't make any sense to even start.

    My assessor already informed me that she is convinced, that im autistic, but needs one more appointment to finalise the report. I asked her to not tell me this now, there might be some other condition, other diagnosis that fits me better. She said, she rulled them out already. But as for now im not diagnosed yet, maybe it turns out that in the end she rules autism out. The waiting paralysis- I also know it. 

  • in reply to Alien0n3arth
    Alien0n3arth said:
    Now I take meds, that weaken my hyperfocus leading sometimes to irritation.

    It's so difficult when things change like that. Give yourself time to adjust. 

    Alien0n3arth said:
    So it's like - it doesn't make any sense to even start.

    I used to wrap my paintbrushes in cling film when I painted a room. I knew I couldn't do it all in one go, so the cling film was my solution. Of course, there's also the question of painting when some of the paint has dried out, which affects a picture more than a wall. Perhaps you can find a solution for that? Or is it more a case of losing all desire to finish if you're interrupted?

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  • in reply to Alien0n3arth
    Alien0n3arth said:
    Now I take meds, that weaken my hyperfocus leading sometimes to irritation.

    It's so difficult when things change like that. Give yourself time to adjust. 

    Alien0n3arth said:
    So it's like - it doesn't make any sense to even start.

    I used to wrap my paintbrushes in cling film when I painted a room. I knew I couldn't do it all in one go, so the cling film was my solution. Of course, there's also the question of painting when some of the paint has dried out, which affects a picture more than a wall. Perhaps you can find a solution for that? Or is it more a case of losing all desire to finish if you're interrupted?

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