Hi all! I was hoping this would be a good place to find support and advice, especially because of the anonymity aspect this forum provides. I (20 F) have been diagnosed with autism 2 weeks ago, and although the diagnosis has felt freeing, it has also brought out a lot of feelings of shame and embarrassment. Furthermore, I am in my final year of university and I feel quite alone as I am struggling to reach out and talk to friends, and it feels like everyone else is closer to each other.
The main source of shame I have at the moment are my interests. I think the worst one at the moment is the fact that I have started to collect barbie dolls. I feel embarrassed because I already feel kind of emotionally attached to them and because my mind labels it as childish, especially when I need or use them to emotionally decompress and comfort. Furthermore it feels really difficult to express this to anyone I know because I'm scared I will be made fun of for it. I feel like maybe I should not be paying for toys at the ripe old age of 20. I feel ashamed that I have OCs and draw them quite a lot because it feels weird. This is also difficult to share because I don't think most neurotypical people do this and and some of my OCs I'm either deeply connected to or are *** like furries which is quite out of the ordinary. I feel awkward about some of my other interests too, such as how I have enjoyed shows like TADC and Helluva Boss in the past, listen to musicals, get obsessed with certain artists like Taylor Swift. I find it really difficult to ever share interests with others because I am worried people will see me as a massive weird or worse like a baby. Also because I have weirder interests it feels harder to connect with others in the conversation
I think I also feel ashamed because I feel so behind others socially. Like at the moment a lot of the time I hang out with people I feel like the third wheel, or the expendable one. I think this is because everyone else seems to be able to bounce off well with each other. A lot of the time if I am in a room with others I am the quiet voice. I also get a bit upset if people don't understand what I am saying. I have never been the person invited to parties and I almost resent others for that. I also am scared sometimes I am a bit yappy because sometimes I could tell others were irritated by me for asking too many questions. I also feel very anxious initiating things and social interaction can make me feel very uncomfortable at the moment.
Is there any tips that you guys could give me for help and support? Thank you very much either way!
