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Loop of regret

Alien0n3arth

I feel regret, that I booked the assessment. It's gonna be 29.10 the first session. But I know, that I I cancelled it- I would feel regret that I cancelled. Sometimes I regret that it all even started, that I know more about autism and there is the suspicion. Like it affects my mental health in some ways. Sorry, I don't know if anyone can help anything. I worry, that if I get the diagnosis, my mental health will get even worse. At some point i hope to hear, that it's something else, and not autism. I would like to have it done and at the same time I would like to avoid going there at all. If it makes any sense. Now I think, that I just convinced myself, thst I need a diagnosis and for what reason but as I can see it's likely gonna sit in the drawer and not give me any advantage. I feel guilty of being attention seeker although it's not my intention at all. It's all because of the huge debate around autism and neurodiversity. 

Parents

  • I took mine to give me peace of mind, one way or another. I wanted to know if it was all my imagination or something that made sense of my life. It changed the way I see myself, but I haven't used it for anything, yet. I may tell my GP, but it doesn't release me from having to deal with too many organisations by phone, which I find so difficult.

    I understand about your fears and the fear of regret if you turn back now. I also felt like an imposter - so many of us do before an assessment. And it continued for a while after my assessment, when I started thinking "Is the assessor wrong?" Now, I'm pleased I went through with it. It might be sitting on my computer unused, but it's there for when I need it. I understand myself better and can forgive myself now for many things in my past that haunted me.

    Hold on, Freundin. You can get through this. people hugging

  • in reply to Alexa

    Thank you for your response. I find the positive about all this- the fact that I pay myself for the process. I'm bot gonna feel like a burden for the system, because I'm aware of myself not being the worst case or in emergency etc. I guess it's gonna give some answers and new imposter or maybe I'm just gonna forget it and get over it all.

    Additionally I think, that it's a perfect timing. Now there are changes in my company,  my manager resigned,  there are some gossips that our boss may go to pension next year and then who knows maybe the main company takes us over etc. At some point there may appear the question- why I don't have driver license or pushes to do it. If I show them papers with diagnosis and full report, then they have to accept it. This diagnosis gonna have some value anyway although given by psychologist and not psychiatrist. 

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  • in reply to Alexa

    Thank you for your response. I find the positive about all this- the fact that I pay myself for the process. I'm bot gonna feel like a burden for the system, because I'm aware of myself not being the worst case or in emergency etc. I guess it's gonna give some answers and new imposter or maybe I'm just gonna forget it and get over it all.

    Additionally I think, that it's a perfect timing. Now there are changes in my company,  my manager resigned,  there are some gossips that our boss may go to pension next year and then who knows maybe the main company takes us over etc. At some point there may appear the question- why I don't have driver license or pushes to do it. If I show them papers with diagnosis and full report, then they have to accept it. This diagnosis gonna have some value anyway although given by psychologist and not psychiatrist. 

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